Are We Related?

Shortly before our son was born, I asked my sister-in-law how she felt about becoming an aunt again. Unfortunately, my Turkish was not up to snuff (and still isn’t) and I used the word teyze rather than hala. Teyze denotes an aunt from the mother’s side, while hala is used for an aunt from the father’s side of the family. Drawing herself up to her full five-foot-three height and facing my six-foot frame towering over her, my sister-in-law made it very clear that she was not by any means a teyze. She was the hala and would always be just that. Her reaction was surprising, since to me an aunt is simply an aunt and no further delineation is needed. To her, however, this was a very important matter and she was very upset that I had inadvertently used the incorrect term in referring to her position within the family structure.

The words for the immediate family are fairly straightforward. Anne (mother), baba (father), kız çocuk (daughter), erkek çocuk (son), ağabey (older brother), abla (older sister), erkek kardeş (brother) and kız kardeş (sister). But, when referring to relations beyond the immediate familial circle, it gets a little more complicated for many foreigners.

On the maternal side there is anneanne (grandmother), dede (grandfather), teyze (aunt) and dayı (uncle). Added to those terms are indicators further related to family ties. Enişte (the maternal aunt’s husband), yenge (the uncle’s wife), yeğen (nephew or niece), and kuzen (cousin). Yeğen, kuzen and enişte are used for both maternal and paternal relatives. Yenge, also, does not just apply to a maternal link. It is also used to indicate a woman married to the brother on both the maternal and paternal side, as well as a foreign woman who has married into a Turkish family. When used by someone outside of the family, the term yenge is used to recognize the fact that a foreign woman has married into the larger family of Turks in general. On the paternal side there are just a couple more words to learn the correct usage for in order to avoid problems. On the father’s side there is: babaanne (grandmother), büyükbaba (grandfather), hala (aunt) and amca (uncle).

In addition to these expressions, there are more complicated ones to be added to the mix. Elti means sister-in-law and refers to the relationship between two brother’s wives. Baldız is another term for sister-in-law, but is only for use in reference to the wife’s sister while banacak is the husband of the wife’s sister. The wife’s brother is kayınço, and the husband’s sister is görümce. Finally, the mother-in-law is kayınvalide or kaynana, and the father-in-law is kayınpeder or kaynata. Trying to learn all the different terms and when it is appropriate to use each one can make a foreigner throw their hands up in despair.

Just when you think you have titles and connections under control, there are more to be thrown into the pot. Children of close friends may refer to older people as teyze, amca, abla and abi. This denotes a close personal tie and is a sign of respect, even though there are no family connections. Shopkeepers will use these terms often.

Even in business transactions titles are used alongside names. It is common to hear the word hanım following a woman’s first name, as in Kathy Hanım. Bayan is also added sometimes to a woman’s first name, but usually before the name, as in Bayan Kathy. For men it is easier, as you will usually only hear the word bey added to the man’s first name, for example, Abdullah Bey.