Move that car

Often foreigners who move to Turkey need to recognize that things are handled differently from how they may expect or how they would handle it back home.

The other day some cars were parked in a no parking zone in front of a car dealership. The police came along to tow the illegally parked cars. The manager of the car dealership rushed out to inform the police that they were about to tow his car. Discussions looked as though they were becoming a bit heated. And within a few minutes, the police were on the radio calling for back up and the manager was on the phone calling for reinforcements.

We always tell our guests if you see a crowd stay away for your own safety. I sat quietly observing from a distance and sipping my tea.

Obviously since the police called for more police, the manager called his close mates or family members to come help him. Soon two cars arrived: police jumped out of one and from the other came Uncle Tom Cobley and all -- who’d come as back up for the manager.

My grandfather once said to one of my brothers: “Son, the heaviest thing in the world is that chip on your shoulder. Get over it!”

Let’s go back to my first example: The majority of drivers who block the parking lot entrance will apologize and move the car so you can exit, but this is not always the case. If the driver refuses to move the car or is nowhere to be found and nothing can be done, you have the right to be angry with the person. However, rather than taking the law into your own hands, you should call the police, and they should ticket the car or tow it.

This is not usually the case here.

A friend was telling me about his neighbor who went on holiday and had parked his car in front of their building, making it hard for residents and guests to go in and out of the front entrance. The building’s tenants discussed having the car towed, but some neighbors warned if he came back and found they had had the police tow the car, he would do something terrible to them. People were afraid to take action.

Naturally, when the neighbor returned a week later, other tenants in the building refused to say hello to this family and in their own way hassled him about his mistake. They were carrying a grudge, and they did not let go of it very quickly.

Grudges come in many shapes and sizes: Large grudges often are a result of major conflicts, and one person, often the one who feels scorned, won’t allow the conflict to be forgotten.

Some large grudges focus on the family. You may know of a family situation where a grudge has split the family. Also grudges between business partners and colleagues at work are common. The drive to get even is a strong force. Grudges can make you feel miserable. They certainly don’t help you feel good about others, either.

I was inspired to write my piece yesterday “What do you mean by the ‘real’ words?” because of things readers have shared with me. You’d be surprised at the number of apartment buildings where neighbors live in such close proximity and yet are not on speaking terms because of a grudge.

Life is too short to feel wronged or shortchanged in life. Deal with it and move on.

“Resentment or grudges do no harm to the person against whom you hold these feelings but every day and every night of your life, they are eating at you.” -- Norman Vincent Peale