What do you mean by the ‘real’ words?

Yankee Doodle went to town

A-riding on a pony

Stuck a feather in his cap

And called it macaroni…

The tune was catchy. According to the Colonial Music Institute, the song was popular at the time of the American Revolutionary War (1775-1783), and the British words were meant to insult. However, following the Battle of Concord, the tune was adapted for the American ear. The derogatory verses were changed for the American version, and it was adopted by Americans as a proud retort and today is the state song of Connecticut.

Words can be so hurtful. Just a few sharp words and relationships can be broken for life.

Grudges can easily be learned at an early age from those around us by their attitudes.

Just what is a grudge?

Remaining angry about something is having a grudge. It is something you hold on to -- don’t forget. You don’t let it go.

Here is a simple illustration of the situation:

The term “Yankee” has a variety of meanings. For Americans, it refers to northerners. However, to a British or Canadian person, it indicates all Americans. My British friend the other day referred to myself and a couple of people from South Carolina as “Yankees.” Boy did she get a response from us. Almost simultaneously we corrected her, saying, “We aren’t ‘Yankees!’” I mean it was as though yesterday was April 12, 1861, when Confederate forces attacked a US military installation at Fort Sumter in South Carolina and hostilities rose.

With just one word, she hit a raw nerve. We were not really offended. But one word could bring offense, and a grudge could begin. In our case, she just realized she’d hit a raw nerve about a part of our history.

Though hatchets have been buried, and the states have united, there are still individuals who have truly neither forgotten nor forgiven.

Often I hear Westerners say that Middle Easterners really hold grudges and there can never be reconciliation.

Although it may appear this way, I don’t think this is necessarily true as it depends more on the individuals and their experience. If we are honest with ourselves, we all hold grudges in life to greater or lesser degrees.

It probably seems this way as certain nations and groups are in the news more than others, groups such as the active and vocal strand of the “jihadi” element of radical fundamentalist Islamists or the Israelis and Palestinians, who seem to, over the decades, take one step forward and two back. There are others that come to mind… It is true that we see on our televisions open expressions of widespread sectarian dissension and hatred, particularly in the Middle East.

People holding grudges can be found everywhere.

The important thing is to learn to recognize them -- until you realize you are carrying a grudge you’ll not be able to get over it.

On a more personal level, many of us carry little grudges around. We may never tell the other person about our feelings, but those feelings affect us. We feel on edge around that person. A foreign friend of mine who has a small business here and employs a few Turks said that in her workplace it has become very tense as two of her Turkish staff have fallen out and won’t speak with each other. She is working on helping them find reconciliation so it won’t affect the workplace.

Getting rid of a grudge takes effort.

“When you say something that you should not have said -- something that you didn’t mean or that was unkind or critical -- apologize right away. The longer you wait the harder it will be.”

-- Unknown