Global rules for the ‘game of life’: Let’s have some openness and acceptance

I receive many letters from resident foreigners, and Turks living abroad, that express these emotions in one way or another. Many are frustrated, and some are from foreigners who are in a relationship with a Turk and are trying to make it work; it’s obvious that the person has had a bad experience and has been hurt. And, I’m always disappointed for the person who comes to work here and then doesn’t stay on at the end of the contract because of a bad experience.

One bad experience doesn’t make everything bad

We all know the expression “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water” I am always sad when people who leave Turkey or repatriating Turks feel negative Many of their problems come down to sheer prejudice and the discrimination they have experienced. Occasionally a letter reveals the person has reached the level of “rage.” They are ripping mad. Out of the hurt they feel, possibly as all of us do at one time or another, that they will hate the person or thing forever. (That “thing” could be a place of employment or a study institution.)

Some of you picked up on the fact of “Danny,” who was mentioned in my article: Hoping to be happy, he is a male of American Latino descent, planning to marry a Turk. In America, he could already have experienced rejection. Danny and Meryem love each other and want to spend their lives together...

Robert Burns, the great Scottish poet, knew a little about life and wrote: “I want someone to laugh with me, someone to be grave with me, someone to please me and help my discrimination with his or her own remark, and at times, no doubt, to admire my acuteness and penetration.”   The key to life is staying positive; this does not necessarily mean that if your relationship isn’t working, staying positive will mean it works out. Staying positive means that when difficulties come your way, be they prejudice, discrimination or rejection, you won’t become embittered and allow it to affect your well-being.

A Turkish man in Ankara who has many foreign friends and is considering marrying a foreigner has written to me and asked the following question: “Is it ever possible to marry someone from another culture and not experience any discrimination or additional relationship conflicts with the in-laws?” From Open-minded in Ankara.

Dear Open-minded: Prejudice and discrimination are funny things. It is not always just directed towards another person because of their nationality. It can be racial. It can be status-related, even about your educational level or your social class.

My brother James, who could play baseball as well or even better than any of his peers, and who is handsome and kind, used to be called all kinds of bad names at school. Why? His father was Italian and he had beautiful olive-colored skin. Jamie was like his father. Because he had darker skin than all of the other kids when he was young and at school, he was called all kinds of names because he looked different.

We humans can be very cruel to others. Why?

Is it narrow-mindedness? Is it ignorance? Is it meanness? Is it fear? Is it resistance to change? Is it unforgiveness? Is it our own hurt and loss?

Write and tell me what you think. We know that some elderly people or other individuals who have experienced loss often hold grudges from past wars. If you happen to be someone from that part of the world, it may be harder for you to be accepted. Perhaps, even, you will never be accepted.

My advice is that you marry the person you truly love. If you both love one another deeply and are prepared for the “bumps” along the way and support one another, your marriage has a chance of lasting -- whether others accept it or not.

When baseball teams began to sign up new players who were nationalities other than Caucasian American, people resisted. It all boiled down to discrimination and prejudice. Nowadays the teams are sold to other nationalities. Lou Gehrig responded to the problem saying, “There’s no room in baseball for discrimination. It’s our national pastime -- a game for all.”

I think this should be a global rule in the game of “life.”