[Diary of an expat bride] Employment and marriage: making it work

July was a good month as we celebrated both Can’s job and our pregnancy. The only drawback was that Can would spend the next five or six months training in Germany and Antalya. We worked it out so that we could see each other about every two weeks, with Can flying home during the two-day breaks that they were given. We seemed to have everything figured out when my complications began. Can had to leave then, and I was on bed rest for my second month of pregnancy. This was the longest I had ever gone without working, and I went crazy. Instead of resting both my body and mind, I spent almost every second worrying about the baby, dealing with homesickness and missing Can. My new doctor recognized this and ordered me to go back to work. I never thought I would say it, but I was so happy to start working again.

We were fortunate that Can’s salary was enough that we could live comfortably even if I chose not to work. We couldn’t splurge on sushi every week, but we could pay our basic expenses and live well. I talked honestly with the school I worked at about my situation, and they agreed to take me back on and give me a lighter workload. My first trimester was not easy at all. Along with the bleeding, I also had severe morning sickness. Many of my friends were shocked when they found out that I wanted to go back to work during this time. I dealt with it by waking up a little earlier than usual, eating a slow, bland breakfast and letting my body adjust to the day. I usually was ill before leaving, but I was probably the happiest nauseated pregnant woman in the world. As long as I was throwing up, it meant that my baby was still there and I hadn’t lost it. The first trimester was so touch and go, I was happy for this unpleasant reassurance.

At work I was able to take it easy. At the school, I primarily worked with middle and high school students, so I didn’t have the physical demands placed on me that working with younger children required. I spent my days doing something, rather than staying at home obsessing over my pregnancy, feeling lonely and missing Can. It was so hard to be apart during that difficult time, and it definitely put a strain on our new marriage. Can kept his promise and came every two weeks, but it wasn’t enough. Thankfully my doctor was right and the bleeding stopped after my third month, and he gave me permission to fly to Germany to visit Can for a week.

This time, it was Can who was waking up at 6:30 a.m. to get ready for work while I slept in and explored the German countryside at my leisure. It was Can who paid with his own money when we went out to eat and who gave me euros when I went shopping. His pride had been restored, and there was a lighter step to his gait and calmness in his personality that had been missing for months. He hated being apart from me when I was pregnant, but we both knew that he needed this job. As an American, my independent upbringing worked to my advantage here. I was able to draw on those survival skills and still keep our relationship strong. Since I had lived in Turkey alone before we met, I could handle all of the day-to-day issues. I had a wonderful support network of friends who are like my family and would do whatever they could to help me while Can was away.