The race

He didn’t get what I was doing, and attempted to interfere, but I wouldn’t let him. My shopping techniques have been honed over nine years of expat living in İstanbul, and any deviation from my routine could result in a fight with the cashier or another impatient customer. A shopping routine is not an unfamiliar concept. My mother back in the US has her set days and goes to the same supermarket she has frequented for over 20 years. As a child I laughed at her system. She would go down the aisles in an order she created and has maintained over the years. At the checkout counter she waits patiently in line while the cashier or other personnel put her purchases into bags for her.

When I first came to Turkey I barely spoke a word of Turkish. My three American roommates and I went to the nearby store in Moda to get some necessities. Turkish-English dictionary in hand, we puzzled over dishwasher soap, laundry detergent, hair conditioner and hand soap. Along with food and drinks, we put everything in front of the cashier. As he rang up our purchases he threw them behind him, making no attempt to put them in bags. We paid, and still waited. The cashier looked at us all like we were crazy and pointed to the bags on the belt. A light bulb went off as we realized we were responsible for bagging our own purchases. Although we weren’t done putting our purchases in bags, the cashier rang up other customers, not caring that he was throwing other people’s stuff on top of ours. In fact, he seemed to take a particular joy in it. The person whose items were with ours would just push us to the side, get their item, and elbow a space to put their things in a bag. Irritating, but something I got used to over time.

For years I lived in a location where a car was not necessary. However, grocery shopping was difficult. Typically, I would stop at the store every day or so on my way home from work and buy necessities for that evening. There was a small market that delivered near my house, and as my Turkish skills improved, I would order heavier items like laundry detergent over the phone so I wouldn’t have to carry them. When Can and I moved in together and had a car, my methods changed as I was able to get more items, put them in the car, and only go shopping once or twice a week.

Shopping in Vienna

Last month we rented a flat in Vienna for a week and took our 2-year-old son with us. We were excited to explore a new place and relax on our vacation. However, we needed to go shopping first. Our landlady directed us to a nearby market and we went a little crazy. Besides buying necessities for the week, we also bought some items that are hard to find in İstanbul. We had a shopping cart full of stuff when we went to the counter. The cashier said something in German, which neither Can nor I speak. “Bags?” she asked us in English. We were supposed to bring our own bags. We ended up buying 5 bags made of recycled material to put our stuff in. People behind us waited patiently while we figured it out, but we still felt flustered. Belatedly, I realized that we had bought too much stuff -- way too much to carry. In the part of Vienna we were staying in we did not see taxis on the main street. The apartment wasn’t far, so we also felt embarrassed about having a taxi take us just across the street. Eren and I waited at the store while Can made three trips back to our flat. The personnel were kind, but I am sure they were laughing behind our backs.

Even with a car, getting groceries can be tough. With Eren, I know I have a golden half an hour. So, we never approach a supermarket in İstanbul on the weekend as they are too crowded and neither one of us has enough patience for it. I make a list before heading out, and usually go early Monday morning when the store first opens. We are usually the only people there. I give Eren a snack and race down the aisles, picking up what I need. When I get to the belt, I put heavy stuff first, then boxed/packaged dry goods, cold items, produce and, lastly, breads and eggs. I push past the person in front of me if they are taking too long and head to the end of the belt to pre-open bags. As the stuff comes down I quickly put it in the bag, the goal being to have it all bagged before the cashier tells me the total. It becomes kind of a competition between us. Usually there is a teyze or two that tries to push my cart out of the way or adds pressure to finish the transaction faster. I usually ask them to help me if they are in such a rush. They usually don’t, but I have given up fighting with them unless the situation is extreme.

Can may snicker at the way I shop, but there is a method to my madness. It makes it stress free for all of us. On the way home from a friend’s, I stopped at an unfamiliar supermarket. I didn’t know where anything was and wasted a lot of time trying to find certain things. By the time we got to the cashier, Eren’s patience was finished and he was wailing, which added to my frazzled nerves. The cashier took pity on us and bagged my purchases for me, and even took a second to put them in my cart. I was so touched I almost cried. These daily kindnesses used to be a hallmark feature in Turkey but are few and far between in İstanbul today. I was so grateful for this kindness that despite the fact that Eren wanted to leave I made a point of stopping at the customer service desk and asking to speak to the manager. He came immediately and wanted to know what the problem was. He was kind of shocked that I was actually taking the time to give one of his staff a compliment. I explained to him how important this seemingly small gesture was for me. He asked me to write out what happened, and he would pass it on. I did my best with my terrible Turkish grammar. A few months later, I stopped at the same store again and saw that the girl who helped me had been promoted to the customer service desk. She thanked me for my report. I was happy to see that she had been rewarded.

Shopping can be stressful until you find your rhythm. It is definitely different than in the US, and takes getting used to. What challenges have you learned from in your daily expat life?

*Elle Loftis is an American expat, writer and mother living in İstanbul. Reach her at e.loftis@todayszaman.com for comments or questions.