[Diary of an Expat Bride] Laz mantı

There was an elderly gentleman standing next to grandma behind her desk, offering her a bouquet of roses. Flushed, my grandma refused them and snapped at him to be on his way. Someone was hitting on my grandma! Eager to get the scoop I hurried over to her after he left. I asked her why she hadn't taken the roses, and she looked at me in astonishment, like it should have been all too clear: “He's a Baptist!” she hissed under her breath, as if I should have known. To my Irish Catholic grandma, the Protestant Baptists represented all that was backward and ignorant. While I don't have any idea why she thinks this way, I speculate that in my Michigan hometown in the northern part of the US, Baptists are more commonly associated with the southern states. There are a lot of stereotypes that exist in America; my grandma only alluded to a tiny one.

In Turkey, even visitors new to the country can pick up on stereotypes here. Arabs are considered dirty, Europeans snobbish, Iranians ultra religious and bent on taking Turkey down the same path. The longer one lives in Turkey, the easier it is to pick up on the more subtle divisions. Turks who hail from the East are considered backward, from the South lazy and sneaky, from İstanbul snobbish, from the Aegean lackadaisical. In my opinion, however, the most joked about Turks are those who hail from the Black Sea region, the northern part of the country. The only city in the Black Sea region I have visited thus far has been Kastomonu. Before taking that trip, I was warned by friends in İstanbul of the famous Karadeniz temper. “Don't make anyone there angry,” one friend ominously warned. I thoroughly enjoyed my visit there; no one incident stands out in my mind of anyone being particularly angry. The worst altercations I have seen and experienced since coming to Turkey more than eight years ago have been in İstanbul traffic. Driving in İstanbul, in my opinion, has made everyone angry and disrespectful regardless of what part of the country you come from.

Still, this Karadeniz and Laz stereotype continues to pop up. At a friend's house for tea one day, she served me some Laz börek, a sweet dessert from the Black Sea region. My Turkish wasn't very good and I tried to keep up as she chatted with her mother who had joined us for tea. She had recently moved into the house and was telling me about all of the work that had gone into fixing it up. She kept mentioning “Laz mantı” when talking about one of the cleaning ladies who she had hired to do some odds and ends around the house. To me, mantı is a meat-filled pasta served with yogurt and drizzled with red pepper and butter sauce. Since she had served me the Laz version of börek, I assumed the Laz version of mantı was also on our menu for today. What a nice worker! She had made us not only Laz böreği but Laz mantı too. I love sampling food from different regions of Turkey, and kept sneaking peeks into the nearby kitchen wondering when this mantı would be served. Politely, I asked how Laz mantı is prepared. Sedef looked puzzled. I continued, “Is it made with meat, or something else?” Sedef finally understood what I was asking and burst into laughter. She explained to me that she was referring to the Laz mentality or logic, which is Laz mantığı in Turkish. The cleaning lady had made some odd mistakes, and she had written it off as Laz logic. I hadn't picked up on the soft “g,” and my comprehension of the conversation had gone in a completely different direction.

The Laz people hail from the Black Sea regions of Turkey and Georgia. They have their own language, Lazca, as well as their own customs and traditions. A few weeks ago I wrote that Turks are just as diverse as Americans, and this only reaffirms my belief. My Turkish husband Can has a cousin who married a Laz woman last year. After hearing all the talk and jokes about Laz people I was very curious to meet some of them at this wedding. For the henna night, her family held a picnic at their farm on the outskirts of Ankara. We were warmly welcomed and I was made to feel instantly at home. The food was fantastic (no Laz mantı on the menu) and they took Can and I on a tour of their farm, filling our arms with autumnal produce. Turnips, pumpkins, cabbages and apples jostled for space in our car with our suitcases. After the ceremonial part of the henna night, they started dancing like I had only seen on TV. It was amazing! At the wedding the following day, I watched for hours, wondering how on earth they could dance enthusiastically for so long. I tried to learn a few steps, but was scared to try it out and hurt someone on the dance floor.

When my brother-in-law introduced us to his girlfriend and her family, it was a completely different experience. Cold, rude and stupid, she epitomized the Laz jokes that Can's cousin's wife and her family were so the antithesis of. When trying to explain her rude and ignorant behavior, Can and his family justify it by pointing out her Laz roots and her hometown near Rize. I try and fight this easy stereotype, keeping in mind how graciously I was treated by a Laz family at a wedding not so long ago. I talk frequently with Can's cousin's wife, and have never been treated badly. No, I don't think the Laz people justify taking a hit because my brother in-law picked an idiot for a girlfriend. She is a bad apple, but it doesn't make the rest of the apples in that bunch bad. She in turn stereotypes my cold behavior towards her as “typical standoffish American” manners. When she said this to me, I asked her how many other Americans she knew to be able to come to this conclusion. I thanked God I had come into contact with other Laz people to make a better comparison.

I try and pride myself on keeping an open mind, but that is put to the test time and time again the longer I live here. Especially within the family, the divisions I see and the negativity felt make it easy to sometimes want to write off people based on their roots, their religious background, their political affiliation. Maybe I feel more sensitive to this since becoming an expat and a minority in a new place. Trying to make a point by illustrating open-mindedness can be exhausting and challenging. What stereotypes have you observed or felt while in Turkey?

Elle Loftis is an expat writer and mom living in İstanbul. For questions or comments, please contact her at e.loftis@todayszaman.com.