[Diary of an Expat Bride] Close to the heart

As the nurse escorted us to the examination room, I cringed when I saw one of the two examining tables. I think it’s safe to say that every woman fears the table with the stirrups. The first ob/gyn I had visited in Istanbul was in a fancy, expensive private hospital. There, the stirrups were discrete, metal objects located close to the floor and when sitting in them, it felt much like sitting in a chair. Not so at my current ob/gyn. While I loved my doctor, I felt like much of the basic equipment in the hospital was outdated. Here the stirrups were heavy, plastic, immovable things that looked as if they had been installed in the 1950s, and most likely designed by a man. When I was only five weeks pregnant and with no bump, I needed the nurse’s help to maneuver onto the awkwardly angled table with my legs splayed in the air. No amount of yoga could prepare a woman for that bed. Now, at seven-and-a-half months pregnant, with an ungainly 15 extra kilograms, it took both my husband and the nurse to get me onto the table and into the stirrups properly. Needless to say any kind of modesty I may have previously had was currently gone. No amount of birthing classes prepared my husband for the stirrups. After hefting me onto the table he sat in a chair in the corner, horrified.

My doctor then made his entrance and met my husband for the first time. A slight, friendly man, he put my husband at ease. His mother was a yabanci from India, and as a half-foreigner himself, he understood us well. For today’s appointment we were getting a Group B Strep test done, in addition to our scheduled ultrasound. This test is not generally done in Turkey, although it is common practice in America. My husband and I are generally against unnecessary medical procedures but requested this test be performed. It’s my personal opinion that foreign pregnant woman should look at what tests are done in their respective countries as well as what’s commonly done in Turkey and then decide which ones are necessary. For us, the Group B strep test was important to me since I wanted to have a natural birth. The test itself is pretty simple and painless, and could save me from taking unnecessary antibiotics or putting my child through unnecessary tests after birth.

After the Group B test, I moved to the other, friendlier looking examination table with help. Now, for the first time, my husband could view the ultrasound live. As my doctor moved the wand over the gooey jelly on my distended belly, the image of our unborn son filled the screen. The face, nose, arms and feet delighted us to tears. After so many complications, it still seemed surreal to us that he was alive and thriving. My doctor didn’t seem to share in our joy, however. Instantly concerned, I asked him what was wrong.

“He’s breech. He hasn’t turned yet,” he replied.

In days not too far gone, breech births were delivered vaginally, although very difficult and painful for the mother. Some European countries still continue this practice. Many, like Turkey, perform elective cesareans on mothers with babies in breech, or feet first, presentation. My husband and I gravely looked at each other as we felt our natural birth plan waver. “There is still a small chance he will turn, but we should be prepared in case he doesn’t,” my doctor added.

Once again upset, we headed home. Why, I asked God silently, can’t one thing go right during this pregnancy? I was so frustrated. I was angry with myself, and also irrationally with my baby for putting us in this situation. My husband was exasperated with me. The baby was healthy, despite the odds I had not miscarried, I should be thankful instead of throwingw a temper tantrum. While I knew my husband was right, I couldn’t shake my melancholy until a friend from İzmit called to cheer me up. Herself a mother of two and a fellow American, she didn’t make me feel selfish or bad for being upset that things weren’t going according to plan. Instead, she offered me an alternative view.

“Think of it this way. Your son loves you so much he wants to stay as close to your heart as possible, for as long as possible.”