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[ASK THE EXPAT] Neighborly love
Thanks for your help,
Bothered woman in Ankara
Bridget says:
I’ve lived in four different apartments in Turkey and have had neighbors that vary from very meddlesome to withdrawn and non-intrusive. I’d say your best bet is to ignore them since saying anything will probably just exacerbate the situation. I’m not saying that their actions are acceptable but that one must choose his/her own battles, and in my opinion, it’s not really worth it. You could always move, but assuming it’s not an option or it’s not that big of a problem, just live your life, be friendly and pleasant to your neighbors and don’t worry too much about what they are thinking as they peer out their peep holes.
Liz says:
Neighbors are like family -- you can’t choose them. How you fit in with your neighbors depends on how much of your privacy you’re willing to give up. If you want to be a part of your gossip-fuelled local community then go ahead and cozy up, but is it worth it? Neighbors can be useful if your flat is on fire and you really haven’t noticed but do you really want to be stopped for an in-depth interrogation every time you leave the house or have people knocking on your door when it’s really inconvenient? Do you want people having a good nose around your house on the pretext of friendship just so they can talk about you later? In three years I’ve swapped about the same number of “merhabas” with the man next door and not even one with his wife. Personally, this is fine with me -- the less my neighbors know about me the happier I am. But then I come from a country where you can die at home and decompose before anyone notices. For zero problems with neighbors, ignore them.
Siobhan says:
I must admit that I have not had this problem myself. I’ve probably got the least nosy neighbors in Turkey. I’d lived in my building for a year before some of them realized that my apartment wasn’t empty. My first instinct would be to ignore them. As long as they’re only giving you “looks” it is probably not going to have too much of an impact on your life. That said, it’s obviously bothering you enough to write in about it. So one thing I would suggest is to introduce yourself to your neighbors. Perhaps make some cookies or dessert for them to break the ice. Take a Turkish friend with you if you are afraid that it might be a little awkward. Tell them a little about yourself and why you are living in Ankara. Say hello when you pass people in the hall. If they’re just curious or bored this will probably help, you might even make a friend or two. However, I’ve been told by Turkish friends that a certain type of landlord will ask people in the building to keep an eye on their tenants and their comings and goings, especially if they’re younger. If this is the case, it probably will have an impact on your life and in that case all I can suggest is finding a more trusting landlord and less nosy neighbors.
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