Under the burden of the past
by
ORHAN KEMAL CENGİZ

The monks walked on, silent. Five hours later, as they were approaching the temple lodging, Ekido couldn’t restrain himself any longer. “Why did you carry that girl across the road?” he asked. “We monks are not supposed to do things like that.”

“I put the girl down hours ago,” said Tanzan. “Are you still carrying her?”

I like this Zen story a lot. Like many other Zen stories, it gives its messages so eloquently, full of intelligence. Many people carry huge burdens from past, undiscovered, unexpressed feelings, forgotten memories which are full of pain. Some nations also do this.

When you do not confront your real feelings, when you try to forget past events that are traumatizing for you, you lose the chance to live today, in the moment. You cannot grow; you cannot be spontaneous unless you realize this confrontation.

Here in Turkey we live in the prison of the past. We have shackles on our legs that always pull us back. Whatever reform we make, as long as this unconfronted past lurks behind, we will never be a fully democratic country.

German novelist Günter Grass was here in Turkey to attend a panel conference together with Yaşar Kemal. He delivered a speech during the panel discussion. Most of the speech was allocated to Turkey’s unconfronted past. I found his speech quite illuminating, and I would like to quote relevant parts here, hoping that this will help contribute to these views being heard by everyone concerned:

“In 1945, I was 17 years old, and I was under the influence of the Nazi ideology of the time. For 12 years, I refused to accept the reality of the violence the Nationalist Socialists made the world experience. I chose to deny what had happened. ‘The Germans could not have done such a thing,’ I would say. Then, I saw photos from the death camps… Corpses had been piled up in huge mountains. ‘My Germany could not have done such a thing,’ I would still think. I wanted to believe that it was propaganda. Then, we had to accept, albeit slowly, that it was truly violence. It was never easy for my and the next generation. We confronted these matters with great difficulties. Still, it happened. The hard thing was able to be done in Germany. What had happened could not be accepted in Germany for a long time. Others said, ‘No.’ But we were always faced with the past. We felt the past as a heavy burden on us, Germans, and we were forced to feel it.

“There are burdens left from the past also in Turkey. ‘Turkey, too, should face the responsibility of the past,’ I think, but when? When will it face it? When will Turkey see and accept the persecution of Armenians in 1915? When will the Turkish society face it? Only after this confrontation can people feel themselves truly free. This is what we saw in Germany. It took several generations and a long time. We want Turkey to achieve it and to be exposed to such a confrontation. We want to see Turkey as part of Europe. These issues should no longer be seen as taboos. All taboos should be removed. They must be debated. Although it was a hard task, this is what we did with our generation and the next. I think it can be done.

“From my past, I know it is very hard for a country to face up to its past. I know its burden. For this reason, I do not say these words lightly or comfortably. Turkey must confront its past. This change has started in Turkey. I believe no government, no diplomatic initiative can stop this movement that has started in Turkey.”

I agree with every single word Günter Grass wrote in his speech. He talks with passion, and he is speaking as a friend. He sees the huge potential of this country that is being wasted for very stupid reasons. We are struck in the past while we struggle to suppress it. When we start to be honest with ourselves, we will start to form our real identity, we will start to live in the moment, spontaneously reacting to the present moment instead of repeating stupid and useless patterns we have been reciting for the last 100 years. Only when we put the burdens of the past down will we be free.