[Diary of an Expat Bride] Dizi salvation

My husband Can and I had recently learned I was pregnant and were overjoyed. Our excitement quickly turned to fear as complications had first led us to believe I had miscarried. Our baby had survived, and we finally heard the heartbeat but were not out of danger yet. My doctor put me on bed rest until my unexplained bleeding lessened or stopped completely. To make matters worse my husband Can had just started a new job that required him to train in Antalya and Germany for the next few months, which meant that I would be going through this alone. Who was going to help me? I needed to be off of my feet pretty much all day.

The obvious solution was Can’s mother, a housewife who lived not too far from our house. But I was hesitant to ask her to move in because I was already stressed and couldn’t trust her to be supportive and control her sharp tongue. She had said too many things to me in the not so distant past, and I didn’t need that negativity around me then. I needed someone who was calm and who I could trust to see me at my weakest.

Like most expats, we leave our families behind when we choose to live in a foreign land. The friends that we make in our new places of residence we slowly begin to rely on and think of as close as our blood relations. The friends I have met in Turkey, both foreign and Turkish, have truly surprised me. I know that had I never left the United States and my comfort zone, I never would have socialized with a group as diverse and rich as I do in my expat life in İstanbul. I didn’t need to explain my predicament before one of my friends, a tall Texan who is like my older sister, said she was coming to stay with me for the first week. The second week I would hopefully be calmer and would stay with my in-laws.

When my friend came to stay I was in pretty rough shape. Emotionally and physically I was scattered. Within two weeks I had learned I was pregnant, then thought I had miscarried and now was miraculously still pregnant. Physically I was ill from both the pregnancy and the hormone shots and supplements my doctor had prescribed. Since I was on bed rest I had little to keep my mind occupied, and my thoughts were alternating between constant praying and panicking. My friend brought movies and her laptop and encouraged me to work online in between films. She cooked for me, cleaned and helped me keep my sanity by being quietly supportive. During the day while she worked online, I started watching Turkish soap operas (dizi). These three-hour epics broadcast on almost every Turkish channel in evening weekly increments reminded me of my favorite American daytime soap, “The Young and the Restless.” These kinds of programs are relatively mindless with wild scenarios, but they have the power to distract the viewer from reality. The Turkish dizi was exactly what I needed.

An extraordinary world

Since I started watching mid-season, I downloaded the first episodes. For hours each day and even nights when I was sleepless, I watched “Aşk-i Memnu” and let the characters pull me into their extraordinary world. It was also like a mini Turkish lesson with a crazy plot to make it interesting. My mind was not well that month. It was the longest that Can and I were apart, and I needed him so much. I am an independent girl, but this problematic pregnancy had made me fall apart. I wanted this baby so much but was scared to be hopeful or happy since we had been so close to losing it. What if the bleeding didn’t stop? How could I go through this alone? Why was my body letting me down like this? The Internet was the worst thing for me in those days, as I used it to find answers to all of the questions I was scared to ask my doctor. Online, my baby’s prognosis was grim, and each Web site I looked at only increased my paranoia. Going to the restroom was torture, and I prayed constantly that the bleeding would stop. I knew I needed to take care of myself for the baby and my own well-being, but I was so lost. I couldn’t sleep well or nourish myself properly. I always thought that if I became pregnant I would continue my healthy habits of eating right, exercising regularly and doing Reiki, meditation and yoga. I would eat only organic foods and sleep well. That all went out the window. Exercise was out while I was on bed rest, and all healthy eating habits were off. I couldn’t quiet my mind, my thoughts were too paranoid.

The Turkish dizi provided the escape I needed, a way to occupy my mind and keep myself from the dark thoughts running through my head. Like the Mexican telenovella, the Turkish dizi also takes many people away from the stress of their daily lives and transports them away for a few hours. The family on the series I watched was very wealthy and lived in a mansion on the Bosporus. The clothes were beautiful, the cars fantastic, the plot tragic. I was hooked. I had recently learned to make stuffed grape leaves, which I prepared and rolled in a sitting position while I watched the series. My friend laughed at me and said I looked like a real Turkish teyze.

Even now, out of danger I still watch this soap and always remember that first month of bed rest. It’s amazing what unique things will help us expats through our hard patches in a foreign land. All of my friends, both Turkish and foreign, laugh when I tell them that “Ask-i Memnu” gave me back my sanity. Combined with loving care from friends who are like family, I was able to pull myself back together and focus on my health and the baby’s. Can came home whenever he had a few days off, too, which was like a mental breath of fresh air. He hated being away. He too started watching the series when we were together and continued from his hotel rooms in Antalya and Germany. In a way it helped us pass the days that we were apart.