Have you lived in Turkey too long?

1. When you start speaking your native language with a foreign accent.

2. Having one Turk whom you barely know say to another Turk, “Don’t bother her; she’s Turkish,” and the second Turk apologizes.

3. When you start being able to read text messages in a language you don’t really speak.

4. When you know shortcuts around town that even some of the natives don’t know.

5. When some tout speaks broken English to you, and you look genuinely puzzled and say “Ne?” without even thinking about it.

6. When the experienced touts don’t even bother to approach you.

7. When you know the places to buy foreign booze at the best prices, and the store calls you when a new shipment comes in.

8. When you can show newbies where to buy electric drills and drill bits -- and know the words for them in Turkish even if the salesman doesn’t.

9. When a question like “do they have pharmacies here?” starts sounding naive.

10. When you start talking about tourists as if they were a separate species.

11. When you pass along the dishes, pots and pans you bought when you first arrived and didn’t expect to stay long to a newcomer and say: “It’s OK. I have good ones now.”

12. When you know what a border run is.

13. When you talk about a border run as if it is an expensive trip to the grocery store and you make a list of goodies to bring back.

14. When you can tell someone traveling to the Greek island of Samos exactly where the best grocery stores are.

15. When you start thinking about replacing that horrid toilet seat in your apartment with a nice one -- and you know where to buy it for the best price.

16. When you are offended that a restaurant doesn’t give you a discount because you live here -- and you say so in no uncertain terms!

17. When you know how to get somewhere by tram and bus and dolmuş combined, but a Turkish friend gets protective and says, “I’ll take you by taxi,” and you say, “Fine with me” -- so much less hassle -- and you aren’t embarrassed because time is money.

18. When a local hotel or travel agency feels free to call you to ask if you can take some of their guests to a restaurant, on a shopping trip, to the dentist, etc. -- and you actually do!

19. When you arrange a trip with a travel agency for your personal guests or bring them to a restaurant and your own trip or dinner is free and you think that’s normal.

20. When the thought of going into a carpet shop that is not owned by, is not run by or does not employ one of your friends gives you a serious case of the willies.

21. When you return to your native country and feel awkward wearing shoes in the house.

22. When a tourist you are giving directions to compliments your excellent English and you wonder if you should mention that you are American.

23. When you pass on your cell phone to an unsuspecting newbie and say: “It’s ok. I have a better one now. You can’t use your old one from the states because it will take six months of praying to the Turk Telekom gods to get it registered.”

24. When the call to prayer is your alarm clock in the winter (and for better or for worse, in the summer).

25. When you decide to move to certain neighborhoods because they have better offerings on yemeksepeti.com.

26. When you have medical articles translated and printed off disproving local logic on drinking cold liquids, sitting near open windows or wearing slippers -- and you are not surprised that your Turkish friends don’t believe the reports.

27. When you find yourself falling into local logic by explaining that you have the sniffles because you sat on a cold marble bench.

28. When you get the “don’t-bother-me-or-I’ll-get-my-(non-existent)-Turkish-brother-to-kick-

your-sorry-sapık-self” self-expression down pat.

29. When those gel-headed guys in Taksim no longer follow you while yelling, “Vere are frooom? Vat is you naaaammmme?”

30. You start thinking that a cardigan sweater and a turtleneck is a fashion statement.

31. You find yourself being shocked by people wearing shorts.

32. You find yourself muttering “oof ya” at lollygagging pedestrians on busy sidewalks or at drivers who refuse to acknowledge your own pedestrian existence.

33. When you have an assumed Turkish first name ready for those who are word-final nasal consonant-challenged.

34. When you find Turkish gossip magazines enticing and can’t wait to read about Deniz Mermerci’s latest antics.

35. When you can’t for the life of you remember a word that you used to know in your own language, but can now think of only in Arabic or French or German.