I lived about 40 minutes' drive from Stonehenge, but until I found it on my necessary route one day, I had never made the drive. We also lived but an hour from London and indeed I often visited the city; however, to this day I have never seen the Tower of London.Can you image admitting those facts to an American? He would be as incredulous as I was to hear of Abdull's failure to visit probably the most beautiful building in the world. No doubt there are many Luigis and Marias living in Rome who have never visited the Pantheon, many Chucks and Daisy-Lees who have never left their home in Vegas to visit the Grand Canyon, and so on and so forth.
Well to some extent that was the case with Frau and me until recently. We had never bothered to actually visit our local amphitheater. We had driven past it many times but never stopped to visit proper. This week we did. Now I can't pretend that it was any more interesting or spectacular than others we have seen in Turkey, but we saw some exquisite carvings and we spent an hour just sitting up in the gods attempting to tele-transpose ourselves back in time. Our reverie was eventually spoilt by a small group of tourists. If it was only one family then it was a prolific one, having about six children under age 12. They immediately started running up and down the seats, along the rows and around the orchestra and proscenium. Inevitably they took it in turns to fall over and scream for a while. Mum and Dad ignored their little darlings most of the time, but now and then, when one went on too long Mum would bellow “Shurrup Jason” (or Sharon), and he or she would cry even louder. We were just about ready to leave when the show started. Dad, the wag, decided to give us his very limited repertoire of the Shakespearian monologues and soliloquies. Standing center stage he delivered the first few lines from Anthony's bit. “Friends, Romans, countrymen; lend me your ears...” There he faded a little but I think I caught a muted “Caesar”. His wife's guffaws, punctuated by coughing fits, encouraged him to move onto the Scottish play and we got “Is this a dagger I see before me?”
That, too, brought the house down. Who said that modern kids are ill-educated? These loved it. We of, course, were just about as impressed as we are at least once a week by the Tommy Cooper impersonations we see. We don't fly very much, but I can almost guarantee that we will see a Tommy Cooper impersonation in the departure lounge at the airport. This, I hasten to add, is only if we are flying to England. The Scottish departures have a different repertoire which rather goes over my head, and the Germans are either doing a Teutonic version of Freddie Frinton or are indeed absolutely legless.
Statistics show that one in 50 Brits visiting Turkey buy a fez. Of course, that is a piece of headwear that is not easy to pack, so in most cases must be carried. That involves Accrington's man about town having it on his ill-furnished scull when he checks in with Gladys, Jason and Sharon. Given at least an hour to spare, Big Dave has a pint or two; and given a fez, he eventually gets around to entertaining all with his “not like that, like that” spiel. We are never the only ones groaning. That is the airport. The same thing may be observed daily in “Tourist Town” anywhere between Kuşadası and Antalya. Find, if you will, a cafe near a tourist-tat shop which has fezzes [fezii?] for sale, and I will certainly guarantee that in the time it will take you to eat a kebab you will be treated to a Tommy Cooper impersonation. I wish I could read the thoughts of the shopkeeper who sees the same gag 10 times a day; possibly 20 on a good day. Now please allow me to expand on Freddie Frinton for the benefit of large numbers of readers. Freddy Frinton was a British comedian who built his entire career on playing a drunk. He is immortalized throughout continental Europe as the star of “Dinner for One” (1963), a 20-minute TV sketch which has obtained cult status in Germany and is screened on TV every New Year's Eve. The show has become the most frequently repeated TV program ever, having been shown more than 270 times. You should Youtube Freddy for a chuckle.
So readers, here is your choice for next New Year's Eve entertainment. You may visit the continent and watch the aforementioned TV program, preceded and followed by appalling adverts and painful accordion music. You may observe a bunch of Germans waiting for the Munich flight at Gatwick, or you may take a cheap holiday to Turkey and enjoy the highlight of assorted Tommy Coopers prior to your return flight.
