We were sitting in a restaurant the other day and were joined by an Englishman, Walter, who wanted to make conversation. He spoke in one of the only two immigrant accents that we hear around these parts; I think it is Accrington or Burnley. After establishing that he was the owner of a nearby apartment and had lived here for two years, we heard that he was soon leaving for greener pastures, Croatia I think. He would sell his apartment, but in the meantime would rent it out to tourists. The reason he was leaving? Well, he could not work here, could he, like?“But surely you knew that before you came here, you moron?” “Nah, nobody told me, like.” He went on to inform us that you can freely work in any other country except Turkey. Frau, who has an active memory, then listed about half of the countries in the world outside of Europe which do not automatically allow foreigners to work. Incidentally we asked what was his skill or trade, and he told us he was a “horseman.” He looked after horses. The very trade to bring to Turkey, don't you think?
Just to further illustrate our horseman friend's wattage, please hear this one out. We had very recently and with some difficulty trimmed our donkey's “toe nails.” [I still bear the bruises.] So, thinking to milk him for his knowledge, I asked for advice, starting with what tools to buy. Our friend listed what we needed but went on to say that Turks never use the right tools for anything; they use a sledge hammer to knock in a panel pin. Die Frau has a mean streak, so with a conspiratorial glance at me, she asked with a straight face, “Why would they want to knock a panel pin into a donkey?” Walt's face added baffled to gormless and stayed thus when I muttered the two sentences ending with the words “...stony ground” and “...two short planks.”
I know of several Turkish Internet forums whose stated aims are to pass advice to potential immigrants and recent arrivals to Turkey via their members. One such forum has a membership of some 11,000 people, probably half of whom live in Turkey, and several of them for many years. Anyone asking a question can be sure of dozens of answers. It is true, some are erroneous or conflicting answers, but careful perusal should leave the advisee with a reasonable idea of the pitfalls and problems to be considered. For sure no one would have told Walt that he would easily find work as a horse groom. Even the many fools belonging to those forums that have made silly mistakes themselves [a high number of the members seem to have handed over their life savings but do not own the property that they live in], even those members will have something to contribute.
Just in passing, I am proud to say that I am banned from several of those forums. The politics tend to be rather rightist, and nancy boy, liberal, mammsy-pamsey-do-gooders are not too welcome in the long term. Still, they would certainly have put Walt right, as would many other Web sites on the net including that of the Turkish Embassy and the consulate. Poor Walt, we left him sitting alone at the bar; his mouth slightly agape and losing spittle as he stared into his beer, no doubt wondering where he had gone wrong.
Last year we met a German lady who was in tears outside the Belediye building in town. We asked her what the matter was and asked if we could help. She explained that she had paid to have a house built, but it was now occupied by a Turkish family. We are not lawyers ourselves but know a thing or two about property purchase, and we know many lawyers. Furthermore, between us we have the advantage of knowing three relevant languages, so we asked the lady for her file so that we might quickly go through it and perhaps steer her in the right direction for help. The lady had no file! She had not one single piece of paper relevant to her giving many thousands of euros to a man she had met on vacation.
Lacking a relevant confession of my own, I will have to end with the story of an excited young couple we once met at the Belediye offices and who were in the process of buying a house in a cooperative development or an off plan scheme or something. They also spoke with an Accrington-Burnley accent. We refrained from cautioning them about the pitfalls involved but wished them the best of luck to which they expressed their thanks and assured us that they are confident of a wonderful future in Turkey because “... we love this island.”
