Like many weddings, most of our family was coming in from out of town, and special consideration would have to be shown to them. We also had lots of last-minute appointments to go to that needed to be fitted in. How could we do all of this while still remaining sane? Here are a few pointers that helped me get through my wedding week as an expat bride.Never underestimate the power of making lists. Maybe because I am American, list-making is integral for me when making a plan. It helps me to visualize what I need to do and is a great reminder of what I need to bring where. My first wedding list was of course our guest list, which we had started making out about four months prior to the wedding. I had put it in a Microsoft Excel document, with several different categories. In the first column were the guests' names. The second was if the invitation had been sent or given to them by hand. This may sound silly, but since we were inviting almost 450 guests and not all of them via mail, this was necessary to make sure that everyone's invitation got sent or given. The third column was how many from that party had RSVP'd. We had given a final date of two weeks before the wedding to RSVP (or LCV in Turkish), but this is rarely observed, unfortunately. You will find yourself calling almost every guest to confirm if they are coming or not, which in my mind kind of makes the whole invitation process a huge waste of paper. Of our 450 invited guests, only about 100 RSVP'd before the deadline. The other 350 we called ourselves. The fourth column was their table number, and the fifth column was what they had given us as a gift. This was important because a lot of people who could not make it to the wedding sent gifts anyways. With all of the pre-wedding craziness, it could be easy to forget who sent what, and this list for us was especially important. Only five members of my family were able to make it over from America, but my big Irish family still sent gifts, and I was glad I recorded who gave what, so I could send thank you notes after the wedding
No matter how organized you are, the table seating will still throw you. Even up to two hours before our ceremony, Can and I were making last-minute seating adjustments. I really missed the American tradition of appointing a master and mistress of ceremonies who could have helped us with this. I asked Can's best friend and his wife to help us, since they knew almost all of the guests and could help oversee the cocktails preceding the ceremony and avert any problems. Our parents would be busy greeting people and wouldn't be able to keep as cool a head as these two friends. It was amazing how many petty disagreements so many adults could have, and how it inadvertently affected our wedding. Our biggest problem were two close friends who were supposed to have wed the previous year, but the groom broke off the wedding a mere week before the ceremony. Both families were friends of ours and both had RSVP'd, so we had to make sure they were sitting at complete opposite sides of the room. I also took the added precaution of seating them with calm people who do not drink, in case they needed to break up an altercation. Other people started calling us days before the wedding, requesting that they not be seated with certain people because they didn't like them. This was nerve wracking, but what could we do? Almost every day the seating chart changed, and with mathematical precision we would make a new one. This was why I had wanted a small wedding.
A few days before the wedding, confirm hair and make-up appointments with the kuaför, especially if you are getting married on a Saturday. Make sure they know how many people will need services. You can also employ a trick I use frequently in Turkey: If I have to leave the hairdresser by 2 p.m. at the latest, I will tell them 1p.m., which means I will actually leave around 2 p.m., the time I needed. I always tell them one hour early because hair appointments always run late. The same applies here, too. Make final fitting appointments for your dress, and also go to the florist at least five days in advance to pick out your bouquet. This was a detail I left to my in-laws, but I should have taken care of myself. Make sure to pick flowers that are in season, and that all traces of pollen have been removed from the blooms. Also confirm your appointment with the photographer.
Since we had so many people to keep track of, I also made individual lists for our family members for the wedding day. This told people where they needed to be at what time, which car they were riding in and what they needed to bring. It may sound silly, but with so many out-of-town guests, this really saved our lives. Can and I kept a copy of each person's list with us, so if we received a call on the wedding day we could tell that person exactly where they needed to be. As the wedding approached I got tired of constantly telling people what they needed to do, so giving them something informative saved me a lot of headaches on the wedding day.
With most of the last-minute details attended to, I had reserved the day before the wedding as a spa day for Can and myself. We both shut off our phones for six hours and indulged in saunas and massages for a day to relax us before our nuptials. Can and I, like most couples before their weddings, had fought quite a bit over the week. Pre-wedding stress is terrible, and we had taken it out on each other. It was nice to take a day and be together with no distractions, to relax and mentally prepare for our wedding. In less than 24 hours, we would be husband and wife, and it was important to remember that was truly what our wedding was about. Seating plans, hair appointments, squabbling friends and family: These had all taken their toll on us, and we had started to lose sight of what our wedding was truly about -- our celebration of uniting as husband and wife. This wedding had gotten completely out of control from the beginning, but as long as we took comfort in our love for each other, we would be fine. With last-minute details finished and a relaxing day at the spa, I easily fell asleep that night and slept deeply. I just hoped that the next day all of my plans would pay off and that we would have a beautiful wedding.
