Defining home

    This got me to thinking about the many reasons people become expats, particularly in Turkey. Everyone has a different story of what brought them here and why they choose to stay, even if for a limited amount of time. There are those who are here on a temporary basis, sent on assignment by a corporation or government for a stay of only two or three years before moving on to another posting. Others come as refugees, hoping for a better life than what they had in their homelands. Some come because of a relationship, or the promise of one. A few arrive here looking for a different life or lifestyle from what they previously had known. And then, there are those who come for a mixture of all these reasons.

    New expats often arrive wide eyed with excitement at the prospect of living in a country that is often very different from their own homeland. As they struggle to find their footing culturally and linguistically, they discover that their new life can be challenging, frustrating, lonely, enriching and welcoming, all at the same time. Learning the ins and outs of how to get even the simplest things done, like home repairs for instance, can take days of trial and error. The days spent in lines trying to get official paperwork completed and permits issued in order to live here legally have been known to bring hardened expats to tears of frustration. However, the caring and warmth of neighbors who welcome newly arrived expats into their homes can bring tears of gratitude and joy as they realize that they are slowly being accepted as part of the community.

    Over time, as expats settle into their new lives, they often discover the little things from back home that they miss. It may be special treats for holidays that are missing. Not having a community to celebrate with for important holidays in their homelands can bring on the ache of homesickness. Living away from family and old friends, and forging new relationships from scratch, can be hard for some expats to cope with. If a family emergency or illness strikes back home, it can be agonizing waiting for news and trying to decide if they need to return home or not.

    The common refrain “It's not like home” is often heard as these newbies try to make sense of their new country, and new home. And, home it is, even if just for a short time while on assignment in the country. The good and bad are all part of the experience of living abroad. How an expat adjusts depends a lot on their own state of mind and their ability to cope with change. In Turkey, it often seems as if nothing stays the same for very long. Rules and regulations change, and paperwork that was required for a permit a few months ago may change without notice, causing delays and numerous trips to official offices to try and navigate the system.

    Food is often a big issue, as expats search for ways to make comfort foods from their homelands. Ingredients may be unavailable here, or only available for a short time and for an exorbitant amount of money. Foodstuffs that are inexpensive in one's homeland may go for astronomical prices here. On Web sites for expats residing in Turkey, there are often discussions and postings about special foods found and the latest prices. Food serves as a connection to home and family, no matter where we live.

    One situation that expats do not always expect is that when they return to their home countries, they find that they have changed. Some discover that they no longer quite fit in at their own hometown. A friend recently returned from a stay of several weeks in the United States. Upon his return, I asked him how his trip went and how it was to see his old friends once again. With a shrug, he replied: “It was nice, but there was something different. It wasn't the same. I almost felt out of sync with my own friends.” I nodded and smiled, knowing exactly what he meant. As we adapt to our new surroundings, over time, expats often find themselves blending cultures together. Attitudes and values change as a reflection of our experiences and growth. However, when we return home after a long absence, our friends and family expect us to be the same person we were when we left. Our experiences abroad are many times alien to them, and our common ground can begin to slip away. The only consolation I could give my friend on his return was that it seems as if the longer we live outside of our homeland, the more we find we do not fit in completely at home any longer. But, we also do not quite fit completely into Turkish culture. We are somewhere between the two, forging a new identity for our children and ourselves.

    Back to my friends' question of what is life like as an expat in Turkey -- there is no simple answer to that. Each person has their own stories of expectations and experiences. There are those who arrive hoping for a new start in a new place. Some succeed, and others find that the life of an expat is just not for them and they return home after a short time. Those of us who have settled here find ourselves somewhere in between cultures, feeling our way as we go along, looking for a balanced combination of our native and adopted homelands.