What do you think?

Dear Charlotte: I am totally frustrated about my business set up with a Turkish company! To cut a long story short, I am a businessperson who met with a Turkish businessman about a year ago. He manufactures great boots which I find highly suitable for the European market. We spoke at length about working together. He seemed to a very serious professional person with good English who had traveled extensively. We met again and discussed our terms for working together. After I did some research and discussed further ideas about work, it seemed all of a sudden that he dropped out of sight and contact. I am surprised by this as he sent me a sample collection of his boots with a retail value of more than 1000 Euro free of charge. Since then there has been no real contact. I’m perplexed by this. I have no clue what is the reason. I called him again recently and he was in the US and said, “I will call you back, I am in a meeting...” He never called back. I found your column in Today’s Zaman. I don’t understand this silence. Is that a Turkish way of telling me that he is not interested? What do you think about this? Westerners tend to be more direct in business. Thank you! A (Europe)

Dear A: I’d say it is best to find this out about this person before you get too involved. If communication is poor now, you do not want to have a business relationship with a person you can never reach or rely on. His approach to business is an unusual approach and suspicious in that he sent merchandise of such value. It’s quite likely he had mixed motives. A quote from Kenneth Wells sums it up: “A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.” When doing business deals it is important to discuss but a Turkish proverb says it all: “Göz iki, ağız tek -- çok görüp, çok dinleyip az söylemek gerek,” or “Two eyes, one mouth -- one needs to see much, listen much but talk little.

Observation is a key element in doing business with anybody. You may never know really why this possible business deal has gone sour -- we can only guess. Sounds to me like you should find someone more reliable. Perhaps your market isn’t big enough for him or maybe he had other ideas.

Dear Ms. McPherson: I recently visited Turkey and took the time to buy some English newspapers. I discovered some delightful articles and I was particularly intrigued by your article from Nov. 21, 2009, on “Traces of Ottoman Turks.” I visited Budapest in June 2009 and was fascinated to discover the influence of the Turks in Budapest. Thank you for your insight! From LB (S. Africa)

Hello Ms. McPherson: I enjoy reading your column and can identify with a lot of the information you provide as I am an American who lives near Antalya, Turkey, most of the year. Your “Antisocial neighbors” column strikes a chord with me. My heart goes out to the lady who was accosted at her home. One of my main projects in life is encouraging recovery for people who have been abused. I’ve written a book about this subject, “Child Abuse Recovery,” which is beneficial to anyone who has been abused or knows anyone who has been abused (That’s just about everybody, eh?). Rose White (Antalya)

Dear Rose: Most people do not realize that child abuse is more than bruises and broken bones. While physical abuse might be the most visible sign, other types of abuse, such as emotional abuse or child neglect, also leave deep, long-lasting scars. Learning the signs of abuse can help abused individuals get help and heal and not perpetuate the cycle. Tell us, which Web sites do you recommend for more material? Thanks for sharing with us.