Cross-cultural misunderstandings

We all know how it is when you visit a place as a tourist and it seems so ideal. You just want to stay there. My brother frequently flies down with a group of his friends to the Bahamas and swears one day he will retire there. I often joke about retiring in Tasmania. We all have some exotic place in mind where we dream of -- for many of us, it is probably best this remains a dream -- and an unspoiled one at that!

Just as Turks think America is a great place to live, often my foreign guests say İstanbul is a great place to live. Having lived in both places, I gently remind them that nowhere is perfect. You can be disappointed anywhere.

For those of us who have lived abroad, we know it's when you stay for a longer time that you experience and see things that you do not see when you are just a tourist. This is true for the Turk who travels to America or the foreigner who comes to Turkey. In both countries people are nice to tourists, be it a business trip or for health or just plain fun. However, when you begin to live in a different culture, the experience changes. You could say the honeymoon is over.

Near the end of summer, there is an influx of newcomers. They arrive in another country and begin to get settled into their new jobs, schools, homes, etc. The initial days can be deciding factors as to whether you are going to enjoy the time you reside in the new place or not depending on the experience you have in getting settled in. How the shop attendants, officials, neighbors and strangers treat you will all be factors in this equation.

The potential for culture shock is present every time you change cultures.

Some of us who have traveled widely can still experience culture shock. Having culture shock, that is, feeling a sense of cultural disorientation where you live, is normal. Here are a few pitfalls to avoid to help you settle into your new culture a little more easily:

Try not to respond with contempt for the new society and separate yourself in your own cultural ghettos; i.e., doing everything as you would back home.

Don't always compare the new culture with your own culture; doing so may cause you to see the new culture as inferior.

Try to not just make friends with those who speak your mother tongue. Learn the local language so you can understand the culture and the simplest rules of social behavior.

The other day a friend of mine made a comment in the car while a group of us were driving along that illustrates this point. She replied to another person in the car who had commented on the amount of litter lying around in public places by saying, “Turks think that not cleaning your windows every day is just as bad.”

We have all heard the most common ethnocentric saying by the non-British, which is when we talk about British drivers driving "on the wrong side" of the road. Why not just say the "opposite side" or even the "left-hand side"?

Another comment is when Westerners speak about the Arabic language as being read "backwards." Why not just say "from right to left" or "in the opposite direction from English"?

Even when you are trying to be polite when sampling the food of another culture, using the phrase "Oh, that's different" rather than more pejorative terms may imply to the hostess that you didn't like it.

One comment I will never forget is when I shared with some Turks about how my mother was elderly and ill. They did not mean to hurt my feelings with their comments, but one said to the others, “I am surprised how Westerners can be so cold as to send their aged and sick loved ones to places for them to be cared for and looked after by total strangers.”

"What sets worlds in motion is the interplay of differences, their attractions and repulsions.” -- Octavio Paz