All children have a tendency to be very blunt in their questions and comments, especially when speaking to others their own age. Some will point out and often even poke fun at disabilities or differences they notice. For the children on the receiving end, it can make it hard to learn to interact well with others if they feel they constantly have to be on the defensive. Several of my foreign friends have overheard their children being chided by playmates for having a parent who they feel is inferior since they are not Turkish, or do not speak the language as well as their own parents. Even if their own children are fluent in Turkish, they can be made to feel like an outsider due to the fact that a parent is from another country. Ali Adem has found himself often in a position of having to explain to new playmates at the park why he and I speak English together, a language the other children obviously do not understand, and which, in turn, marks us as outsiders in their eyes. But even though he has to explain that I come from another country and do not speak Turkish well, I have not noticed the other children displaying any hostility towards him for being different from what to them is the norm. I have heard of incidents, however, of children being ostracized by others for not, in their words, "being Turkish enough."
It is sad when children are so quick to pass judgment on others. I do not know if this is something they do unconsciously, or if this is something they have learned at home. On the occasions when Ali Adem has explained to another child that he and I are both American and Turkish, I have noticed a surprised look, and then usually the question, "If you mother is Turkish, why doesn't she speak Turkish like my mother?" I think that most children, especially younger ones, have no concept of other countries, languages or cultures unless they have traveled abroad themselves. Movies and television shows are dubbed into their native language, so unless they have classmates from other countries or live in a neighborhood popular with the foreign community, many Turkish children do not have the opportunity to interact with anyone speaking or acting differently from them or their families.
Education plays a strong role in countering cultural biases. Many children grow up isolated from the outside world, for a variety of reasons, and they believe that the culture they grew up in is universal. It can come as a surprise when they discover that there are so many other cultures in the world, each with its own good and bad points. I believe that it is by opening up their often narrow view of the world that children learn to look at other cultures, countries, beliefs and people with a different perspective.
With this in mind, I try to answer the questionsthe children generally have after they get over their initial astonishment that I can, in fact, speak a little of their native tongue. Usually they are surprised when I tell them that I also speak enough of other languages to make myself understood. By seeing me in the park, often chatting with other mothers, they begin to see Ali Adem and I as members of their community, although members who stand out from the rest. If the mother of one of the children who has curious questions about other countries and customs is in the park, I try to make conversation with her, too, as a way to reinforce the fact that we are foreign but have chosen to make Turkey our home. I have found that it is not unusual, at least in our neighborhood, for the mother to have never met a foreigner either. I have noticed that some mothers, and even some children, assume that since I am far from fluent in their own language, that I must also be illiterate. On occasion I have dispelled that assumption by bluntly asking the mother, or child, questions in different languages and watching their reactions as they try to figure out how to respond to a language they have no way of understanding. Feigning amazement that they can only speak, read or write in a single language instead of several, I have noticed a subtle shift in attitude as they realize that even though I am not fluent, I can still converse and make sure my point gets across, albeit with numerous grammatical errors. They realize, on their own, that struggling with a language does not necessarily mean being uneducated.
All in all, I think that so far Ali Adem and I have had a fairly easy time of becoming accepted members of our community. We will always be different from Turks, but even on our trips to the United States I have noticed that we do not quite fit in all the way, partly due to the fact that we live somewhere between two cultures. I hope that Ali Adem continues to appreciate the differences and similarities in the two countries and cultures that make up his world.
