Operating in conflict

It is always interesting to see how people of different nationalities relate and how each of them relates to the Turkish hotel staff. The stage is set for some conflict and clashing unless foreign nationals adjust and are flexible.

Turkey can make a false impression on the visitor who has just landed and sees that things look similar to back home. Many visitors comment on how Turkey on the surface looks somewhat familiar, but then quickly add that the mentality is different. Ideas on service and performance differ.

To help avoid cultural conflict between guests and hotel staff, one of our tour staff members gave a 15 minutes orientation at the beginning of the conference to the newcomers to Turkey. A few of the tips were:

-- You will be more likely to get your problem solved if you ask in a nice manner and treat the hotel staff with respect.

-- Make them feel important and not like servants.

-- Win them to your side! If your Turkish hotel staff member likes you, they will do anything for you.

-- Adjust and manage your expectations of how things should be.

-- Be ready for things to be different and expect surprises.

-- Beware! Turks don't want to disappoint you, so they will say what they think you want to hear.

Some foreigners have accused Turks of being liars. We try to help our guest understand them. In one instance, the guest was upset that the person at the front desk told them they would have a technician come and check the air-conditioning unit and that no one came. They waited 15 minutes and no one had come!

I told our guest 15 minutes is probably not long enough. The technician may be tied up elsewhere. Wait an hour and then let me know.

Another foreigner shares how they were shocked to see that there were no bars around the edge of the restaurant's terrace to prevent children from falling off.

I told this person that there are no safety checks to pass, as is the case in some Western countries. Turks expect the group to watch out for each other's children.

Different cultural values such as safety, time and service will vary.

If you travel abroad and expect things to be just like home, you are in for a big surprise.

I'll never forget the first time I ordered coffee in London. I asked for coffee and the waitress asked me if I wanted it black or white? I had never heard the expression "white" before, meaning coffee with milk. It surprised me. But I replied, "Black, please." That is just a simple example of cultural differences. How much more is it true that when we visit cultures with different languages and religions we can expect differences to be even stranger to us.

Don't let cultural conflicts ruin your visit; prepare yourself and enjoy them.

To understand intractable conflicts, it is essential to understand that there are different levels operating in conflict. Chris Moore, author of "The Mediation Process," refers to substantive, psychological and procedural levels of conflict. In short, he means the "what" conversation, the "feeling" conversation and the "identity" conversation.

In Turkey, the second level -- feeling -- is essential to understand. It includes power, status, emotions and other relational parts of the conflicting interaction. Remember, the tips we gave to our guests at the conference were on this level.

Turkey as a nation is in a struggle for her identity and Turks are very proud people. When a Turk believes he is being talked down to, he will become argumentative and not back down or be quiet.

Either way, your problem will not get resolved by that person. It will not matter to him if it things are set aright or not.

I guarantee if you show a little respect, stay calm (even if chaos surrounds you) and make the person feel important, the problem will get resolved. Granted it may not be in the way you thought, but at least it will be addressed and you will have been assisted.

Please keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today’s Zaman ‘s readers.