Eye to see and ears to hear

My younger cocker spaniel, Ginger, has very sensitive hearing because she is blind. Since she is unable to see she relies more on her hearing to discern what is happening around her.

Numerous letters come telling me about peoples’ situations in which they have been taken advantage of through another person’s lies and deceitfulness. Here are a couple of excerpts of letters received in recent weeks:

Dear Charlotte:

I know you write about cultural things. Can you explain the culture of lying? I’ve just discovered that my live-in boyfriend of a year and a half has been lying right to my face. I caught him in a couple of what I call “white lies.” Even though they were small ones, I feel so betrayed. Why would you lie to someone who you say you love and want to be with forever? It’s so wrong and sneaky. I’m unsure if I can ever trust him again, but I don’t think I can leave him. From: Iadorehim (Turkey)

Dear Iadorehim,

If you know for a fact that he has lied to you, you will always doubt what he tells you. You asked about the culture of lying. In a nutshell: If he’ll lie about something so small, he’ll lie about even worse things. Face the facts: You need to see the writing on the wall and go before it gets worse and you are hurt more.

Dear Charlotte:

I am in a bad situation. I’ve just realized that my wife is lying to me about our finances. I am British. My family disowned me because they were against my move to Turkey and my relationship with my Turkish wife. I am the bread winner, but can’t leave the situation because I don’t want to leave my two children. It seems all the money I earn and bring home is not being used as I thought. Our bills are increasing and some of our accounts are overdrawn. My wife gets offended and upset when I try to discuss my concerns. I feel so alone and unsure what to do next. Any advice? R.G.

Dear R.G:

So sorry to hear of your difficulties. You and your wife need to sit down together and have a serious talk about your concerns. Perhaps you need to seek some financial counseling together. If you do not know what is happening to the money you need to get to the bottom of it before it’s too late. It sounds that there may be an element of cultural differences involved.

It is difficult in Turkish culture because Turks often have pressure being put on them from other family members for special needs; some to whom your wife can’t say “No.”

She may be too embarrassed to tell you about their problems. She does not want to be deceitful or lie to you, but she is stuck between a rock and hard place. It could be that her family member(s) are lying to her, but she does not want to believe that is the situation. If this is the case, she desperately needs your help to see and hear the truth.

More than we like to admit, we cross paths with liars every day at the work place, at home or in stores. In my next article we will look at ways to spot a liar. I’ll the discuss reasons for lying and how to look for inconsistencies, contradictions, insincere emotions and more.

When I am watching TV I often catch myself wishing that Ginger had eyes to see. She definitely has ears to hear! The slightest sound puts her on the alert.

When the window is open she can hear a real dog bark a kilometer away. But what about the dog or cat on TV? Sometimes they can set her off too, But not always. I was watching a TV program about wolves one evening and all of a sudden Ginger went into hysterics, howling as though she was a hound dog. Why is it that some of the animals on TV set her off and others get no reaction? Some are so convincing.

It made me stop and think about people and situations in my life. All of us at some time or another have experienced insincere and deceitful people and situations, but we have not realized it until it was too late and had already caused grief and harm to us. We could not see the untruth before us. It begins with us being willing to see and hear the true situation for what it really is. Try to not be deceived.

“The true seeing is within.” -- George Eliot