Change happens to all of us

Trying to understand another country’s logic can seem almost impossible. I was told by one consulate when applying for a visa that in order to apply for a visa I needed a valid plane ticket -- but I could not get a plane ticket without a visa! If I recall correctly, I ended up traveling by train that time.

You can read all the books you want about a place before you go, but you’ll still encounter some culture shock and change. Anthropologist Nigel Barley set up home in a mud hut in order to study the customs and beliefs of the Dowayo people. He experienced many types of change by choice.

Of course, you don’t have to travel to experience change. Each of us experiences change in some way -- it may be a change at work, a relationship change, a change in your health or some other form of change you’ve initiated that suddenly seems daunting.

Summertime often means big change for many of us: our children changing schools, spouses beginning new jobs and financial changes and moves. Do you find change difficult? You’re not alone.

It’s possible for the change you’re going through to be easier, smoother and less stressful. A Today’s Zaman reader wrote to me about a major change in his family’s life.

“Dear Charlotte,

For the past few months we have not known where our next meal would come from. Since I was laid off, we have had to search our home for anything that could be sold to get some cash. The family is experiencing change in many areas -- economically, etc.” (Anonymous)

Dear Anonymous:

I’m sorry for the hardship your family is experiencing. A crisis situation like yours brings about major change. It happens every day, to everyone.

Whether life has thrown a curveball at you or, like Barley, you’ve sought one out yourself, it’s natural to find it difficult. It’s all a matter of how you perceive the change in you life.

Here are a few tips to help you with the change you may be facing:

 Perspective: Try to not let the threatening situation become distorted and magnified.

 Attitude: Focus on the positive that will come from a given situation.

 Feelings: Avoid fearing moving forward and making progress.

 Direction: Understand where you are now and where you want to go to reach your final destination.

Through coping with your change and handling a major crisis, you probably know that the good that comes from change may not be related to what you’re currently going through. For example, you’ll meet new people and have new opportunities, possibly develop a stronger faith and grow in belief in yourself.

Are you having financial trouble and think you are incapable of managing money? Do you hope to lose weight but instead keep gaining some and think of yourself as obese? Have you just gone through a relationship breakup or divorce and think you are unlovable? If you’ve answered yes to any of these, trade this negativity for positive thoughts of strength and hope.

Last but not least, I’ve found in dealing with life changes and cultural differences that it helps to keep a sense of humor.

Have you heard about the businessman who called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, he was reminded that he needed a visa. “Oh no I don’t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” The tour agent double-checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When he was told this, he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.”

“Life’s transitions are ultimately positive, even if they don’t always feel it.” --Ariane de Bonvoisin