Friendship, in Turkey, implies a deep commitment to and concern for the other person. A friendship is different from a casual acquaintance. There is an expectation to see each other often and to be intimately concerned with one another’s life. Don’t be surprised when your Turkish friend is more verbally expressive than you may be used to. Turks tend to use flowery language so it is important to use phrases such as “missed you a lot.” Foreigners are generally seen as “cold” if they do not do this.Westerners can be upset if they think that their privacy is being invaded by their Turkish friend. Whereas Westerners tend to avoid sensitive topics such as health and finances, Turks may be more direct. Privacy is generally not understood: A Turk would expect you to ask all of the details concerning their recent doctor’s visit and would assume you did not care if you didn’t ask what to you may seem like intrusive questions.
Westerners tend to not ask personal questions directed at revealing salary details, rent, personal health and the cost of items purchased.
In Italy the outgoing government published every Italian’s declared earnings and tax contributions on the Internet. Italians responded with outrage and the Web site was suspended.
Turkey, on the other hand, publishes a list of the top taxpayers. Turks are encouraged to pay their taxes and if you are self-employed or are a business owner, you submit a tax declaration annually. Your reward, should you choose not to be anonymous, is for your name and the amount of tax you paid to be included on the published list of the highest taxpayers for all to see.
A Today’s Zaman reader wrote the following reply to my article printed on May 2, 2008, “It’s all about saving face”: Dear Charlotte, in Turkish culture, it is an important value to preserve dignity and save face. There is usually one family member who earns a better salary than the others and everyone expects him (or her) to help them out financially. It is especially hard to refuse if when you were studying you depended on other members of the family to help you out financially. Even if you would like for people to not know how much you earn, it is hard not to say. The honor of the family is important. It goes to say that when a family member asks for help, it is rarely declined. Turkish family members, regardless of where they live, all have particular responsibilities within the family. This includes physical protection, economic support and upholding the reputation of the family. Turks believe the family is an economic and value relationship. Turgay, İstanbul.
Dear Turgay, thanks for the information. You mentioned two important points: honor and dignity. Foreigners new to Turkey would not know that a large request will generally be approached indirectly or through a third party. Visitors who are used to being more direct must learn to not give straight refusals and a frank “no.” Such direct replies cause the person who has made the request to lose face.
As an employer, I have always found that when asked a favor, it is best to give an answer that takes the embarrassment from both the one asking and the one answering. It is advised to put the blame on an outside cause. When refusing a request, it can be done in a manner that avoids personal offense.
This approach poses a problem for some Westerners who find the use of a third party in making a request as being manipulative. Because Westerners value frankness and directness, they often interpret polite and indirect answers as being dishonest. These two points can lead to cultural clashes between Turks and Westerners.
Stephen Kinzer, author of “Crescent and Star: Turkey Between Two Worlds,” likens this process of understanding Turkey to the pouring of the national drink: rakı. It is clear in the bottle and when it is first poured neatly into a glass, but once mixed with water, its color changes to white and it becomes obscure. So it is with a foreigner faced with Turkey for the first time. Issues seem very clear and simple at first, but when we begin to dig deeper we realize this is only a superficial view and the waters of our understanding seem to be muddied. It is only when we stay for longer, mix with Turks in-depth and live here for up to a decade that we begin to savor and relish the complexities involved.
Note: Charlotte McPherson is the author of “Culture Smart: Turkey, 2005.” Please keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today’s Zaman’s readers. Email: c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
