But, for example, in the pharmacy down my street there is a 1950s black and white photo of a man with heavy horn-rimmed glasses: the grandfather who first qualified as a pharmacist and started the business.Portraits indicate importance. Quite often in a family there is a portrait on the wall of the senior male family member of an extended family: the husband and father -- traditionally the bread earner.
Patterns of women’s employment cannot be ignored: is it changing the role-relationships within marriage?
Turks are very family-oriented. Although the birthrate is high, modern urbanites increasingly have only one or two children and give birth at a hospital. These women tend to prefer a caesarean-section birth. These days private hospitals offer the most modern technology, advice and maternity care. Rural women tend to give birth at home with a midwife. Whereas the urban woman may work, the rural woman would see child-rearing as her main job.
Recently I received a letter from a Westerner who shares with me how pleased she is to be married to a Turkish man. She writes:
Dear Charlotte:
I grew up in Lancaster where we had a closely knit network of neighbors and relatives. As a child I can remember my father always doing the Sunday dinner… He would clean up and wash up. I met my husband at university in England. Later we married and moved to Turkey. We have raised our children here. Although my husband has not done the Sunday dinner every week, he has been a good father to our children. We are very family-oriented. My husband recognizes that I like to work and is not threatened by me earning an income. I think this is not so common when I observe our friends. From: Thankful Diana
Dear Diana:
Most likely you husband is not like some who would go out on the balcony and shoot a rifle into the air to celebrate the birth of your child! Even though he does not do Sunday dinner, he seems progressive. Lucky you!
I have many women write to me about their relationship with their spouse. Most write: he doesn’t lift a finger, but he is a good provider…
Why is it that many men do not help around the house? One Today’s Zaman reader wrote: “…Does my husband do anything in the house? He wasn’t allowed to do anything when he was a boy, why should he start now?”
Basically the idea is that men are not totally incompetent, but view the house as the woman’s responsibility. Many young professional couples I know joke that the man is foreign minister, and the wife is interior minister for the country of their house.
Two types of relationships are discernible: first, where roles are not separate: in the second, they are not equal. In urban areas where women work full-time, husbands are beginning to help with household chores. Like Diana’s father, they may clean up and wash up!
Just because a husband does not change a diaper or help around the house does not necessarily mean his family is not important to him. Different cultures may have different senses of what is “manly.” Family is important. It is also important that both partners in a relationship can agree on what their respective roles should be. Do they want to share as equals in all things or have different focuses in the partnership? Friction occurs when we have a different expectation of our partner from the one they want to fulfill.
The portrait on the wall defines who is considered important in the family. I think it is nice when it is a family portrait -- kids, dog and all!
Note: Keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today’s Zaman’s readers. Email: c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
