Naturally, ideas about this vary some from culture to culture.
Some societies use certain images such as a blue eye, or a cloth tied around a branch or even horseshoes, etc., for luck or protection against evil. You may have even have met some people who think they can insulate themselves from loss and death by not thinking about such things. It is dangerous to live in denial. It does not help anyone when you deny to yourself and your children that something bad has happened when faced with such reality.
In Western society, we are surrounded by advertisements that promote products and services to stay young or at least look young. Many of my own friends and I have managed to stay looking younger than we are. However, if we are honest about ourselves, most of us know we can’t do the activities we used to do with the same energy. I wonder how it is for you? We live in a death-denying society.
If you have traveled abroad, you may have come across even some medical professionals who would not give the full details to the patient or patient’s family about how serious their illness is because they do not want to be the bearer of bad news.
Often adults are afraid that children can’t handle the truth. In Turkey, just like anywhere else, kids grow up with similar ideas, which they pick up from movies, videos and DVDs and games. Some of the most popular games have images of shooting, beatings or things blowing up. These are usually directed toward other humans who are seen to be the enemy.
We forget that pets can teach life lessons that adults may find hard to explain. Unlike in previous years in Turkey, middle-class Turks who tend to be more Western in lifestyle are purchasing dogs and cats for their children. Pet shops and pet clinics are increasing in number in urban centers. You can even find some doggie hotels. Having a pet in the home can create some added chaos and extra work, but it does have its advantages. A pet can help a child value themselves and the precious gift of life. It is good to remember if you are a foreigner and have a Muslim guest in your home that orthodox Muslims believe that dogs are unhygienic: They must not be nearby when Muslims pray.
Here are a few of the lessons I have learned from my pets:
Taking care of a pet can help your child understand that their bodies and health are important and that their minds are a special gift.
As a child develops a close relationship with their furry friend, they learn the value of life. They begin to understand more about illness and death as they take care of their pet. When a child has to say “good-bye” to the pet that has passed away, they can better comprehend the concept of death and appreciate friends, family and life, in general.
Having a pet can even help a child become more responsible and make wiser decisions as he/she grows up. The more deeply a child embraces life, the less likely the child will get involved in violence, drug abuse, etc.
Many of us who have had a pet when we were children can verify how it taught us responsibility, in caring for the animal’s needs of food, water, exercise, bathing and play. A pet can become an important part of the family.
It does not matter what culture you live in, in order to properly deal with our grief, open discussions can help us appreciate the happiness the deceased brought to our life and deal with our feelings of anger, sadness, loss and possibly, guilt. Whether it is a pet or a loved one who passes away, it is important to focus on fond memories. It can be healing to take time to celebrate your pet’s life or loved one’s life. You can watch videos of times together, look at photographs you have together and share some of the memories of happy times.
Pets can help children learn to love deeply, to grieve fully and to love again. We all know that no one escapes life without experiencing some joy and some pain.
Note: Charlotte McPherson is the author of “Culture Smart: Turkey, 2005.” Please keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today’s Zaman’s readers. Email: c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
