This question came to mind after a friend of mine lost his daughter in a skiing accident.
I did not feel comfortable offering my condolences during my visit; for some reason, it did not feel right for me to be there, considering that a 17-year-old girl was dead. Of course, her parents were able to hold on to life because of their faith.
Nicole Kidman, in the movie “Rabbit Hole,” where she played a mother who had lost her son in an accident, scoffed at a couple that was saying that God had taken their son to make him an angel, and she asked why God did not just make a new one instead of taking him. There was another scene in the movie where she argued with her mother about God’s decisions.
We all have different methods to deal with pain.
But faith is one of the strongest bases from which to deal with this struggle. Of course, people do not keep faith just because it is useful to deal with pain; to believe also means to share. The Wall Street Journal last Saturday published lengthy excerpts from the book “Religion for Atheists.” The book, by Alain de Botton, generated attention and interest in the West.
As stressed by Botton, most of us are defenseless and desperate in the face of the fierce competitiveness of modern life. What modernity costs us includes a sense of belonging to a group. As an expression of aging or the desire for a golden age, I frequently make reference to the relations between neighbors in Eşrefpaşa, where I spent my childhood. It was important to be part of the Eşrefpaşa community; it was important in terms of the relationships between neighbors, in terms of values and in terms of belonging. We used to go swimming together on weekends; in the evenings, we spent time in our yards while our fathers sipped their rakıs; our mothers had their special teas. Occasionally, we had fights, but we were always there for each other. Concerns over making money and a living made this type of relationship disappear. A whole new culture replaced the former one; under this new culture, everybody was all by themselves. This was accompanied by a process where religion was repressed.
People, particularly those who migrated to metropolitan cities, started feeling desperate and lonely. In fact, the phenomenon we called community took over at this stage; communities, which were concerned about the identity of the people rather than what they were doing, offered an outlet for those who were left alone by the state and modern society. People realized they were not alone. For this reason, I think it will be better for us not to demonize one of the rarest civil society organizations that people have in these days in which we strongly and frequently discuss politics and the political administration. True, community and politics are two separate and different organizations, but the existence of one does not depend on the absence of the other. In fact, the weakening of the community in terms of diminishing solidarity may be equal to the weakening of civilian politics for countries that still struggle with military guardianship.
Turkey is going through a process where the political establishment, like the judiciary, regards itself as unquestionable and untouchable. We are learning everything together. For this reason, there is no need to be afraid.
