If you have the opportunity to move abroad, it’s best to move to a place where you already have an acquaintance. Sadly this is not always possible. Most would agree that little in life is more unsettling than change and facing the unknown. One thing that can mitigate feelings of insecurity provoked by change is the support of close friends and loved ones, those we fall back on during difficult times. All of us want to experience the support and comfort of friendship.
Homesickness is something everyone experiences while living abroad. Sometimes feelings of homesickness come because we miss old friends and family. I have come to realize over my years living abroad that homesickness occurs not so much from a desire to be back home as a desire to feel at home in the new surroundings.
Maybe since your arrival in a new place you have noticed that you have had to alter your work and personal habits. Perhaps you have feelings of loneliness and depression more than ever before. It is easy to forget that, when you are new to a place, the impact of so much that is new and unfamiliar can seriously disrupt your life. You have to learn to think and plan in a way that you did not back home. You find yourself becoming more and more absorbed in the minutiae of day-to-day existence; you are forced to do so by your new surroundings. In Turkey, these simple changes can range from food preparation to shopping. For example, you might suddenly find it difficult to make a salad, as you have to remember to soak the lettuce or spinach and wash the fruit and vegetables thoroughly. Or maybe sometimes you forget to take the right pocket change when you go shopping. You have probably noticed that it can be hard to get small change when you make a purchase in some small shops or make payments at offices. In fact, it is even hard to get change at banks!
Adrian Furnham and Stephen Bochner in their book “Cultures in Conflict” express the expat’s dilemma perfectly. Here they write:
“Ordinary everyday situations such as attending parties, making contact with the opposite sex, ordering meals, shopping, even using the bathroom, all activities which hitherto presented no problems, suddenly become major obstacles. … Individuals in this predicament include foreign students, visiting academics, businessmen, and diplomats who tend to be highly skilled … in their own society, and therefore find their inadequacy in the new culture particularly frustrating and embarrassing.”
I have said this before and here I say it again -- probably the best advice to give any newcomer to a culture is to encourage them to keep a sense of humor, laugh at their mistakes and learn from them. It is important to remind ourselves that the stress and anxiety we feel are entirely normal. In the book “The Art of Crossing Cultures” the author, Craig Storti, gives this advice: “If for some reason you are required to keep a stiff upper lip in public, we should at least permit ourselves a quivering one in the privacy of our home.” I’d add that a good cry now and then can be very therapeutic!
A couple of quick, easy tips: Take care of yourself and eat properly so you are in good health and keep in touch with family and friends back home. Make the most of your experience abroad and actively seek out other people. By being with others you will avoiding becoming preoccupied with yourself; this should help minimize anxiety. Try to remember that you should be careful not to confuse adjusting to the new place with adapting to or understanding the culture. Expect to have to figure out how to get around and do things. That is all part of the adventure and risk of living abroad!
I love what Philip Glazebrook writes in his book “Journey to Kars.” He says: “Things going wrong gives you the chance to show self-reliance; and isn’t the assertion of self-reliance one of the chief objects of independent travel? If I’d really been separated from my bags, a couple of days of dogged ingenuity would have been needed to reunite me with them, but it could have been done, and if I’d achieved it, I’d have felt extremely pleased with myself.”
Rise to the challenge and enjoy!
Note: Charlotte McPherson is the author of “Culture Smart: Turkey, 2005.” Please keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today’s Zaman’s readers. Email: c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
