Whenever I return to the United States to visit friends and family, a few people always ask me when I plan to move home. I have reached a point in my life in which for the past few years I have been living longer abroad than in my country of origin. So I have had to contemplate the notion of “home.”
It makes you stop and think just what does “home” mean? Doesn’t it suggest a place all set up and waiting for us -- we just return and move in. After years of travel and living abroad it seems that home can be anywhere. “Home” is not merely a place we inhabit; it’s a lifestyle and behavior association with certain people, places and objects usually confined to a limited area of neighborhood. It is possible to create “home” abroad just as you may have back in your native country.
One of the hardest things for those of us who have been abroad is that when you return to the homeland you find that things have changed while you have been away. It is often not the same as when you left.
I guess I have learned over the years that I can create “home” wherever I am in due course.
I have had many of my expat friends with children tell me that it can be hard for the children when they go home because they do not receive the special attention they received here in Turkey. They were foreign kids here -- there they are just another kid. Generally speaking, Turks love children and pay attention to every child. But it is true that foreign children do attract attention. Back home the child is just another child in public places.
Foreign adults can also be a novelty in a foreign country and receive special attention and can be made to feel important. Upon arriving in the country of origin the individual can miss being an object of curiosity and, in some cases, the center of attention. You just become someone in the crowd. You find that few are interested in your travel experience and how this changed your life. In fact, most people are not even interested in what it is like elsewhere.
I am reminded of the example given in an excellent old book portraying the 1940s when white, middle-class, British wives of civil servants and army officers were returning from India by ship, which took months to reach the English coast. Vere Bridwood describes what it was like returning “home” in “Plain Tales from the Raj” by Charles Allen. Bridwood says: “I don’t think any of us ever spoke about India for the six months or so we spent in England [on leave].”
She adds: “We might occasionally be asked at a dinner, ‘Well, now, what’s all this about Gandhi?’ or something of that sort. But to try and settle down for a long dissertation [on India] between the soup and the fish was not really possible, so we just used to shrug our shoulders and our host or hostess or whoever might have felt obliged to put this question thankfully passed on to news of the latest theatre in London.”
In some ways it is more difficult to return to one’s home of origin nowadays as the trip is so short since one usually will fly. Technology and everyday life are constantly changing and things are always being upgraded. However, in a different way it was hard before airplane travel and before one could afford to fly around the world. After all, women returning from India then had a fixed idea of home and had struggled with a sense of self and belonging as they left the sub-continent. While traveling by sea for months before reaching the English coast the process was exacerbated on the sea voyage.
It may be in the coming months that you will be facing the challenges of re-entry. There are some steps you can take to make the transition easier. The best tip is not to expect too much of yourself or others upon your arrival back in your country of origin -- home.
“Travel spoils you for regular life.” -- Bill Barich
