Dear Larry: The holiday is not known as Valentine’s Day; it is called Sevgililer Günü (Lovers’ Day). Flowers and chocolate are popular gifts here. Getting her a stuffed toy, perfume, jewelry or a romantic candlelit dinner can also do the trick. More recently you can select from a small variety of gift baskets like a chocolate gift hamper. There is a lot of competition between the women who work in offices. The man who sends the biggest and sends it earlier on in the day wins the prize. I have heard if some women have not received a gift at the office by noon they call their boyfriend or husband and remind him to send something. They even tell him what others have already received. Turkish men can be very creative and real Casanovas. This celebration is not representative of the whole population. It is only Turks who have embraced Western ideas and have more of a Western lifestyle. Turks who are devout Muslims generally do not expect gifts on Valentine’s Day. According to Islamweb.net, it states that in Islam, the festivals are clearly defined and well established, and no additions or subtractions may be accepted. They have been prescribed for us by Allah and His Messenger. Islamweb.net explains that according to the Quran, Sunnah and Ijmaa’ (scholarly consensus), imitating non-Muslims in general, whether they are idol-worshippers or People of the Book, is haraam (prohibited), whether that imitation is of their worship -- which is the most serious form -- or of their customs and behavior. Thanks, Larry, for the good practical question.
In my piece “Comments and More” (Feb. 4), I shared a comment from L.T. about her boyfriend’s anger and abusive behavior. T.Ryde posted a comment to L.T. after reading L.T.’s question saying to please tell L.T. [from İstanbul] that she shouldn’t worry at the moment, he’s only her boyfriend. Tell her she should look at the statistics on wife abuse. It’s after the wedding that she should worry.
Dear T.Ryde: There is some truth in that after marriage the situation can turn violent. This statement is true, though -- not just for Turkey. A life free from violence is a basic human right; yet, we are all aware that violence is a daily reality for women in societies throughout the world. Having said this, with regards to Turkey, in 2004, according to a report by Amnesty International, up to a half of all women in Turkey had been victims of violence. It needs to be understood that violent acts against women can be perpetrated by husbands, brothers, fathers, uncles or even in-laws, etc. The acts range from depriving women of economic necessities to typical verbal abuse and beatings, sexual violence and honor killings. Another area of concern is that of judicial passivity in rulings. In June 2009 BBC news reported that the European Court of Human Rights had ruled that Turkey denied a woman her “right to life” by failing to prevent her murder by her son-in-law. It is a fact that women and girls suffer disproportionately from violence -- both in peace and in war, at the hands of the state, the community and the family. This must change.
I would like to share one of the comments made on the piece, “Don’t drive in Turkey unprepared” (Jan. 15): Acıbadem Expat commented by saying: “Having driven, accident-free, in İstanbul for 5 years, I am bemused by your comment ‘If you are a foreigner, especially a woman, the last thing you want to do is have an accident in Turkey.’ Why is being a woman driver relevant? Your article about the road conditions and traffic behavior is dead-on, but the comment about female drivers is a little demeaning and undermines the confidence of woman drivers. Go on girls, get behind the wheel and don’t be bullied by other drivers.”
Dear Acıbadem Expat: Thanks for your comment. I of course meant no offense to female drivers. I was just being honest in that I would prefer not to be involved in any car accidents on my own. In many ways it remains as James Brown sings it so well: “This is a man’s world.”
