Several linguists have been fascinated by the so-called whistling language used in the Black Sea region. Perhaps you are familiar with “Culture Shock! Turkey” by Arin Bayraktaroğlu, which is a good book to introduce newcomers to customs and etiquette. Bayraktaroğlu describes a village called Kusköy (Bird Village), where people are known to communicate with each other through whistling. I like Bayraktaroğlu’s example of a visitor who commented, saying she’d like to know how a woman from Kusköy could get her husband to come from cutting wood in the forest for dinner when she could not get her husband to come without calling him several times, and he was just in the next room!Turks are also known for the art of giving a reply to a question without saying a word. Are you wondering how Turks do this?
Well here are the stages of the reply, and each answer gets more emphatic!
A simple “tsk” sound or by just raising your eyebrows, or by making the “tsk” sound and raising your eyebrows, or by making the “tsk” sound and raising your eyebrows and raising your head up.
If you are new to Turkey, you may go through a phase in which you do not know which way to nod your head. You were taught to do it one way as a child, and then you come here and it is totally opposite! I found that in my initial months in Turkey, I was nodding my head every which way as I was confused with whom I was communicating. Sometimes I felt like my head was spinning!
You may be wondering just how I could get so confused: Basically, Turks say “Yes” by a downward movement of the head. This action, with the eyes closed, may happen only once or it could happen several times. The gesture to say “No” is more confusing for Westerners as Turks move the head backward once while raising their eyebrows. If you want to say “I don’t know,” just shake your head sideways and shrug your shoulders. A single jerk of the shoulders and hands raised expresses the sentiment of “I don’t care” or “What can I do about it?”
Now that we have explored some of the differences a Westerner may face when in Turkey, let’s just consider how it is for a Turk when they go abroad to an English-speaking country.
Often Turks who have traveled abroad have said to me that it seems that English speakers, rather than using physical body language actions through eye movements and hand gestures, use their tone of voice and facial expressions to communicate a message. How true!
Let’s be blunt here and talk about how the pressure of body language can be felt in emotional situations especially. Sometimes unintentionally…
The eyes communicate more than any other part of the body. Just stop and think about it for a moment:
Staring or gazing at others can create pressure and tension in the room.
Maintained eye contact can show if a person is trustworthy, sincere or caring.
Shifty eyes or too much blinking can suggest deception.
People with eye movements that are relaxed and comfortable yet attentive to the person they are conversing with are seen as more sincere and honest.
Eyebrow muscles draw the eyebrows down and toward the center of the face if someone is annoyed.
If someone is empathetic and caring during dialogue the eyebrows will not create the annoyed facial grimace.
Often in English you can tell if a person is interested or uninterested in what you are saying by the use of pauses and sounds, for example, more and lengthier pauses during conversation, a lot of such sounds as “uh” and “um,” word repetitions, vocal expressions that are not part of actual speech and less lengthy answers or explanations than would be expected.
A good rule of thumb if you want to win someone over is to mirror his or her body language. Follow their lead.
Note: Charlotte McPherson is the author of “Culture Smart: Turkey, 2005.” Please keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today’s Zaman’s readers. Email: c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
