Ten friends and their children came to our home to help celebrate the American Thanksgiving holiday. While the adults prepared the meal and visited, the children together played outside in the garden since the weather was so unseasonably nice. After hours of fun in the garden, the children were finally enticed inside to have dinner with the rest of us.After the meal and as we prepared to head across the Bosporus together to attend another friend’s birthday party, Ali Adem told me that he had already asked one of his friends to spend the night at our house. Not wanting to disappoint him or his little friend who was standing and waiting to find out if he would be allowed to stay with us, I agreed, provided that this was alright with his mother. When asked, she quickly approved of the plan, happy to have an evening of quiet at home.
While we were all on the ferry, one of the other boys was a little quieter than normal. It finally came out that he too wanted to spend the night with the two boys. His mother also agreed to the plan, so I suddenly had three small boys to deal with for the evening. Fortunately, we always have extra toothbrushes at home for guests, and since all three boys were about the same age, I knew we would have pajamas for everyone to sleep in.
After the birthday party, we headed home, all holding hands as we walked through crowds of people and back up the hill to our house. Due in large part to a day spent in play outside, the boys were all tired by the time we got home. In spite of their grand plans to stay up all night long playing, by 10 o’clock all the boys were ready for bed and sleep. We sat together on one of the beds in my son’s room, and we took turns reading a bedtime story. Afterwards, all were tucked in for the night and fast asleep. I was relieved since I had been anticipating a night of three boys determined to stay up all night long.
When I was growing up, sleepovers were a big part of our culture. From an early age, we often spent weekend nights with friends. Sometimes it was just one person staying at a friend’s home, and other times there would be a large group of children staying over. The goal was always to stay up as late as possible, playing games, watching television, listening to music and talking.
However, in Turkey I am in unfamiliar waters when it comes to what is and what is not culturally acceptable. For instance, one friend, a Turkish mother who lived for over a decade in the United States, recently asked the mother of one of her son’s classmates if her son would like to spend the night at their house. The classmate’s mother seemed almost offended at the suggestion. She asked, rather haughtily, if my friend thought there was a reason her son should be away from the comfort of their home. My friend let the matter drop, not wanting to cause problems. According to her son, the other children in the school generally do not spend the night at other friend’s homes.
Ali Adem too has said that his classmates spend time together after school, but only two children in his class have ever had sleepovers together. The mothers of the two boys are close friends, so that possibly figures into the equation since they have known each other almost all of their lives.
Spending the night, or even several nights, at the home of a family member seems to be completely acceptable in Turkey. Our son enjoys spending time at his aunt’s home, which gives me and my husband some much needed down time on occasion. During the summer holidays, friends often send their children to visit relatives who live outside of the city.
I asked another Turkish friend about sleepovers when he was a child growing up in İstanbul. He told me that as far as he knows, it is a part of the culture, but only if the parents know each other very well. He remembers staying at the home of his best friend numerous times and having his friend also stay with him and his family.
Not knowing the cultural ins and outs makes it difficult for me to figure out where the lines between Turkish and American cultures blend and where they differ. Now that Ali Adem has had his first sleepover, he is already thinking about who else he can invite over to spend the night with us. I am not sure how his classmates, and their mothers, will receive an invitation to have a sleepover at our home, but together we will deal with any potential problems as they arise.
Send comments and questions to k.hamilton@todayszaman.com
