What we teach our children -- part II

 This brings me to another incident that a friend called to relate to me. She was distressed at what she had witnessed and wanted to know if I thought this was normal behavior and should she have stepped in to take some action. My friend, Virginia, was in her apartment, a few floors above the street. Her windows were open wide, and the noises from the street filtered in. She heard a child screaming down below. Normally she tunes out the children playing along the sidewalk and small lane where she lives as the voices rise and fall in play. But this was not a child engaged in a game that she heard. It was the sound of screams of pain.

 Running to her window, Virginia leaned out and saw a woman walking with a small girl of about 6 years of age. The woman pulled the screaming, crying child alongside of her as they slowly progressed down the middle of the street. The woman was obviously angry at the child, yelling back at her as they moved along. Suddenly, as if fed up with the situation, the woman slapped the child across the face several times. This only served to increase the little girl's screaming.

While Virginia watched in horror, the woman and her child passed under her window and the woman paused long enough to hit the girl a couple more times. Helplessly watching the scene unfold below, with her limited Turkish language skills and not knowing if her interference would make matters worse, Virginia wondered why no one passing the woman and child on the street bothered to intervene. What, Virginia wondered when she phoned me, could a small child have done to so enrage the woman to keep striking her? And why did no one on the street pause to help the child who was obviously in distress?

 The question is where and when do we step in when we suspect a child is being used or abused? Every parent has come close to reaching their breaking at some point in time. Whether it is from exhaustion, sleep depravation, stress, overwork or a feeling of being overwhelmed with responsibilities, parents will sometimes find themselves pushed to their limit. The straw that breaks the camel's back may be as simple as a child having a tantrum or questioning a decision the parent has made. It can be that one unexpected demand that pushes one over the edge.

 Virginia was concerned that she should have yelled out the window, or rushed down the stairs to try and catch up with the woman. But, with limited Turkish language ability, communication would have been almost impossible. On top of that, is the question of just when it is appropriate to step in and intervene. Never mind crossing cultural boundaries or accidentally insulting someone because you question their parenting methods.

 I have noticed that Turkish parents are quick to criticize the behavior of other children. I often see them correcting other children in the park or talking with friends about how badly another person has raised their children. However, in my experience, if the criticism is turned to them or their children, they can become defensive and even, at times, aggressive. Just where is that line that should not be crossed? It seems to be a part of the cultural dance that foreigners have to try and master.

 We have no idea why the woman was slapping her child. It could be that she snapped in a moment of anger. Perhaps, however, this is normal behavior for this family. If so, this child will most likely repeat this pattern of behavior as she grows up. The cycle of violence will continue to repeat itself. Should Virginia have tried to stop the woman? There is no easy answer for that question. Yes, we could say, she should have tried to protect the child in whatever limited way that she could. But, by doing so, would the child have suffered worse abuse once behind the closed doors of home? The question still remains why no one passing on the street who witnessed the scene did anything to help.