An old friend from college days who has two children shared with me a story about her daughter, Ada. Connie said that even when Ada was 10, she chose her friends carefully. Her circle of friends was handpicked. Ada kept her list of friends to a few chosen ones with whom she passed her days. However, when a friend of hers had to move away, it created an opening on her list she wanted to fill. Ada seems to have concentrated on temperament, hobbies and loyalty before she made her choices. I thought to myself -- shrewd child. I've noticed that in Turkey, choosing your friends can be quite similar.Like Ada, some of us approach friendship more diligently than many people approach marriage. Maybe you have heard the expression “We are known by the company we keep.”
It all has to do with reputation.
With modern technology, it is easy to make lots of friends. For instance, I have many friends: childhood friends, college friends, neighborhood friends, international friends, publishing friends, Muslim and Christian friends, but numbers have increased recently with e-mail friends and now Facebook friends.
Some of these friends I have never met, and some I have not seen in years. It's important to not confuse breadth of friendship with depth of friendship. One thing is certain: You can bet at holiday time I am with my closest friends and family.
Special holidays are the times when we like to spend the day with our relatives and close friends. For me, it is Christmastime, and for my Muslim friends, it's the month of Ramadan.
Loyalty in Turkish culture, in terms of the most basic social structures of family and friendship, is crucial. In Middle Eastern culture, friendship is formed for many positive reasons: one of them being the expectation of mutual help. For example, if a favor is done for someone, the person, and generally their family, will be obliged to remember it. You'll probably be invited over during Ramadan.
Iftar is a huge meal. You may expect there to be little interest in food during a month of fasting, but the reverse is true: Women take great pride in preparing their best cuisine. You'll be served dishes that are usually not seen the rest of the year.
One of my favorites is the Ramazan pide, a special bread. Lines of people form outside bakeries before iftar to purchase some.
Güllaç is a Ramadan dessert and is one of my weaknesses. I've never tried to make it, but I love eating it. It consists of very thin large dough layers put in milk and rose water. It is served garnished with pomegranate seeds and walnuts. The legend is that the extra layers of thin dough were prepared with prayer as it was believed that without prayer it would be impossible to separate the syrup from the dough.
A delicious dish I have only eaten at Ramadan is İslim Kebabı, eggplant wrapped meatballs.
You will usually see a beautiful display of a variety of nuts, olives and dried fruit such as apricots, dates and raisins.
Businesses and organizations may host an iftar meal at a hotel or restaurant for important contacts. It is an honor to be invited, and one should never refuse.
Local authorities usually host traditional entertainment such as jugglers, firecrackers and puppet shows for all to enjoy.
In the evenings, together friends and family celebrate the traditions of Ramadan -- a time of festivity.
Religions should not divide. Jonathan Swift, author of “Gulliver's Travels,” wrote, “We have just enough religion to make us hate, and not enough to love one another.” Every world religion has special religious celebrations. Some promote peace; others promote unity.
Maybe you have noticed the lighted sign displays that the municipality has placed across the motorways in spots that read “Ramadan: Dostluk, Kardeşlik, Birlik” (Friendship, Brotherhood, Unity). Those three words nicely sum it up.
Here are a couple of popular quotes on loyalty and friends:
“Blood is thicker than water” -- unknown“One friend is worth a thousand enemies” -- Jalile Jalil
Note: Charlotte McPherson is the author of “Culture Smart: Turkey, 2005.” Please keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today’s Zaman’s readers. Email: c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
