In one case, a widow promised her son's baby daughter to her new husband as a bride for his infant son, her new stepson. This promise was kept, but I was told it did not count as a betrothal, the ceremonies for which took place at the usual time. Remote, isolated villages still "court" in this manner.Talking with some of my visitors from another city about the contrast between urban centers like İstanbul and villages in eastern and southern Anatolia made me realize how much more similar these remote villages are to other neighboring nations, less privileged, than to the urban centers of Turkey. My guests shared about one family they know about:
In a remote village, a village man named Mehmet, a hired hand for a wealthy landowner, is saving money so his son Ali can marry. Since Mehmet is a poor man, only a small amount is needed for the bride price; the sum is set by custom between the two families involved. The amount Mehmet will pay is about half of his annual salary. The money the groom's father pays to the bride's father will enable the bride's father to help buy some furniture and household goods and their trousseau (çeyiz).
Let's just do a quick quiz to see what you know about arranged marriages in general:
1. In places where marriages are arranged, that means the families decide who marries whom. Many factors are taken into consideration before making a selection. Which is NOT one of them?
a.) Family status
b.) Financial security
c.) Hair color of bride and groom
d.) The personalities of the brides and prospective grooms
2. According to local tradition, every marriage requires two exchanges. The dowry, brought by the bride, includes household items the couple will need. The mahr is the price the groom's family must pay for the girl's hand in marriage. What does the mahr typically include?
a.) Livestock, property
b.) Hiking boots, kickballs and a saddle
c.) Knives, guns and ammunition
d.) Hugs, kisses and pats on the back
3. In traditional Muslim cultures such as that in Afghanistan, it is customary to have men and women separated at social events. At evening celebrations of weddings, women sit inside a courtyard and men sit in a room with Afghan rugs and pillows on the floor. What is the room called?
a.) The Hujara
b.) The Pashtun
c.) The cigar room
d.) The dowry
Just send me your answers and I will let you know your score!
With access to the Internet you can chat with anyone from anywhere in the world. Today's Zaman readers have written and shared their shock when they have met who they thought was the right person but could not understand why the relationship never developed more and why they were never able to meet the other person's parents.
Males especially sometimes leave the village for work, military or for education and have access to the Internet. Two people meet and believe it is love at first sight!
Westerners who have never traveled to other countries such as those in the Middle East and Central and South Asia are unaware that some places still practice some form of arranged marriages. If you don't know what I mean by this, I mean a marriage arranged by someone other than the persons getting married, curtailing or avoiding the process of courtship. You naturally assume that the parents do the arranging, but it's not so in some places!
In some countries, such as India, parents use a matchmaking agency to find a suitable spouse for the child. The parents have no direct involvement in selecting the spouse. The match could be selected by a matchmaking agent or trusted third party. After all, many arranged marriages for the royalty have been done this way. It has not been uncommon for priests or religious leaders as well as relatives or family friends to play a major role in matchmaking.
Turkey, for the most part, especially in the urban centers, seems to have found a good compromise. Couples have more say in the matter, but family approval is important.
In some societies there is much discussion about love or arranged marriages. Which one is better?
"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century." -- Mark Twain
