According to a report by Elisabeth Leamy and Allen Levine of ABC News about online dating, in 2006 research found more than 1,000 dating sites on the Web, and nearly 9 million Americans subscribed to dating Web sites.
Scam artists are out there!
A female Turk dropped me a note this week sharing how pleased she was that after six months of being involved with a foreigner she decided to break off the relationship. She shared how they met on the Internet but soon she discovered he lived in İstanbul. They met and started dating but after a few weeks he was pressuring her to get married. In a short time she realized he was here illegally and either needed to leave the country or marry a Turk so he could stay.
Here’s another scam: A Turkish friend of mine told me about a young Turkish man she knows who was corresponding with an American woman in California. Over a period of a few months their relationship developed and she expressed keen interest to come and visit him in Turkey and meet his family. The catch was she did not have enough money to purchase the air ticket. He wired her the money and never heard from her again!
On the other hand, a Turk who has worked with me for over three years met an American man on the Internet just over a year ago. He has visited Turkey twice in the past year and she has spent Christmas holiday in California. They plan to marry in Turkey at the end of this month. It seems to be right.
Thanks to Internet dating, cross cultural relationships are on the rise. There are pros and cons. Here is a question from Emily S. in California: Dear Charlotte, I’m 26 and have fallen in love with an Arab Muslim. We’ve been together every day for two years. He says he hasn’t practiced his religion since he was 20 (he is now almost 28). But he says he will more than likely go back to it when he has a family. I grew up Catholic, with holidays, and my family would be very upset if I threw our family holiday time away because of moving far away or Muslim holidays conflicting with our traditional holidays. I am concerned about how strongly he feels -- it seems he really won’t budge too much. He says he loves me. What should I do? From, Emily.
Dear Emily, falling in love can make you feel alive and happy. It can also drive you crazy. When you are in love it can be hard to make good decisions. Eventually you need to see through the fog of love to the nuts and bolts of an enduring relationship, heading toward marriage. Have a heart-to-heart talk about your feelings and ideas on religion and about raising children.
Although you may both believe you are compatible when there are cultural differences these need to be considered. It’s good you are trying to discuss these sooner than later. It’s so important to get more in touch with your own feelings and ideas about religion and about raising children. It’s impressive that your boyfriend is being so honest about his strong opinions. Be careful that you do not fall into the trap that you think it will work out or you can change him.
Marriage is a union of two. But the two each represent different backgrounds, beliefs, attachments and hopes. Some people happily convert to their partner’s religious tradition, but just as often differences in belief cause conflict.
It seems that your boyfriend doesn’t sound willing to respect your beliefs and traditions. The way you celebrate holidays is important -- maybe for your future happiness you should not give them up. It’s all complicated and quite deep…
This reply came after the article, “Should People of Different Faiths Marry?” printed April 16, 2008.
Hi Charlotte, I, for one, would not recommend it, and I am in a bi-cultural marriage. At times it has been very painful and it is always hard work. It is not all sweet words and flowers. I agree that you don’t choose who you fall in love with, but you do choose whether you pursue it. In any relationship, you have to make sure you are in it for the right reasons. Being intrigued with someone wears off really quickly when you have limited communication and few things in common.
Sadly while some look for love, they find scams and threats!
Is dating online more dangerous than offline?
What do you think?
Note: Charlotte McPherson is the author of “Culture Smart: Turkey, 2005.” Please keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today’s Zaman’s readers. Email: c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
