Pride, honor and machismo

In his book “The Enemy in the Blanket,” Burgess writes: “Take it easy darling. ...We’ve got to be absorbed into these customs. We’re still too tough to be ingested quickly, but we’ve got to try and soften ourselves. We’ve got to yield.”

Do these words sound familiar? Have you ever given yourself such a pep talk? It’s hard getting used to a new job, a new school, a new community and a new country all at once.

All these affect your pace and the outcome of you experience.

It is important to try to make sense of the culture around us.

Here are a couple of letters from Today’s Zaman readers who want to live abroad but struggle with coming to grips with the local culture. The first letter is from a single American woman who has been here just over a year; the second is from a married British man who has been for a few years.

One Today’s Zaman reader writes:

Dear Charlotte, as much as I love living abroad, I have found the experience somewhat draining. I seem to always have to be concerned about small things that back home I just took for granted. But living overseas has made me realize how much I have taken for granted back in my own culture.

I mean things such as, attending parties, making contact with the opposite sex, even simple things such as ordering a meal, whether it is in a local restaurant or at a fast food place, going shopping. Even trying to find a public restroom! Back home none of these presented any problems. Overseas, it can become a major obstacle. My social life suffers here. Yes, the roles of women are changing here, but not always men’s attitudes. From, Jo Ann.

Dear Charlotte, my wife and I chose to purchase a house near Antalya where we could live part of the year to escape the wet, cold winters in England. We have been living here for about five years. I think Turks are similar to Spaniards in some ways. Both are very proud. The difference is that Spaniards do not invite comments from you about things concerning them. Turks, on the other hand, will ask your opinion, but are often surprised by a frank reply. I figure, if you ask my opinion you want to know what I think. I struggle with how long it takes to do something and certain common attitudes… Don’t get me wrong, we have some close Turkish friends and like it here. From, John and Jen, UK.

Many of us who have been here even longer than you still find that we spend more time absorbed in the minutiae of day-to-day existence and routine than we would prefer.

After I opened the bookstore over a decade ago I realized that many practical things I took for granted back in the retail and management world in America could not be assumed here.

In more recent years young, professionally trained managers have come to understand the importance of a more decentralized, team-based, target-oriented and quality-focused management approach. As this increases, pride, honor and machismo may be affected for the better.

Isn’t it all a matter of perspective though? Imagine the Arab Muslim woman who observes and feels pity for the non-Muslim women who go about traveling around in the street without being properly taken care of -- that is, protected and escorted.

There is always another way of seeing things.

Whether you are a Turk living abroad or a Western expatriate in Turkey, here are a few tips that can help anyone, anywhere:

* Try not to feel cornered, frustrated or overwhelmed by what you experience.

* Pace yourself in coping with things that make you feel exhausted.

* Keep in mind that things do take more time and energy.

* Stay positive and enjoy learning about the country and the culture.

* Admitting to yourself and others feelings of frustration, loneliness and inadequacy helps reduce these feelings.

“I do not know what they mean when they are saying that; English people are not mass-produced. They do not come off a factory line all looking, speaking, thinking, and acting the same. Neither do we!” -- Paul Scott, “The Day of the Scorpion”