Caring for our loved ones

I shared with some of you in an earlier article how much my mother appreciated and loved Turkish culture. She fell in love with the people and country. In the last decade of her life she was diagnosed with systemic lupus. It was not possible for me to take care of her medical care here because her insurance coverage would not cover overseas medical care.

I sometimes receive letters expressing medical concerns and asking questions about care in Turkey. Let me share one with you: Dear Charlotte, my sister and I are very close. She has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. It is impossible for me to frequently go back and forth to England. She never married and has no family other than mine -- my husband and kids. Our parents have both passed away. Do you think it is possible to find caregivers here to help take care of her?

Dear Today’s Zaman reader, if handling her medical expenses is not a concern, you can find individuals who can be there during the day and look after your sister and cook for her. It could be a little more difficult to find a qualified nurse to give her medical treatment at home. You need to research this more. If any of you reading this know some information to share on this, drop me a note.

I know the problems and frustrations of this situation. Your family here needs to be in agreement over your situation. Having said that, Turks usually drop everything to help an ill relative. There is a sense of real family obligation. I was a caregiver for my mom for the last year and a half of her life. The bookstore here continued by the grace of a good friend and business partner as I flew back and forth across the Atlantic. Whether you live near or far, it is very disconcerting to see someone you love gradually become debilitated and on a downward spiral.

We all face concerns about our loved ones at one time or another. We are all humans -- of different nationalities, yet with the same basic needs. Whether it is a person growing old or getting ill, the patient, our loved one, faces many new challenges and adjustments. We want to be there for them.

Turkey is ahead of many nations in caring for loved ones. Societal expectations are to care for the weak and elderly. In contrast to attitudes prevalent in many Western countries, individualism is not encouraged in Turkey.

The group concept is still strong. Turks have a responsibility to others in the group, exemplified in a Turkish proverb that reads, “Look after the orphan, feed the hungry, separate the fighters in a quarrel.” This is true to the extent that extended families purchase apartments in the same building. The primary school pledge of allegiance includes the promise to “respect my elders and protect those younger/weaker than me.”

Though it is changing here gradually, there is still generally a strong sense of neighborliness.

Turkey has some excellent medical options. Just be sure to do your research. There are some horror stories about placebo medicines being sold in less reputable places and issues of moral conflict and dicey medical problems over selling and smuggling organs. Sadly there are people in the medical profession who view it only as a business. If you have had a negative experience, drop me a note so we can share and warn others.

Turkey has not yet had a major crisis in care for the elderly since it has a very large young population. Whereas the proportion over 60 in northern Europe is very high, here it is less than 10 percent. As for providing specialized medical care and support groups for specific medical needs, this is still in its infancy.

I would love to hear from you if you are involved in volunteer work. I know of one British lady who visits nine elderly pensioners every month. It is encouraging to hear positive stories, whether from foreigners or from Turks, caring professionals or volunteers, about new programs and initiatives to provide community support for the elderly, the ill and weak or their caregivers.

More power to your elbow!