For Turks, it’s easy. It comes so natural for them. But it is something us foreigners have to learn. You can actually tell how long a foreigner has been here by how long they hesitate before taking that first step. If you have been here a while, you learn the skill of how to save time by not waiting until a driver slows down or even stops to let you cross. Drivers rarely stop to let a pedestrian cross the street. To get to where you are going, which probably involves crossing the road, you need to have nerves of steel.
Here are a few tips for crossing the road:
* It is best to cross at traffic lights (many lights have countdowns for pedestrians, as well) but still check both ways to make sure all traffic has stopped!
* Don’t be fooled into thinking that the black/white stripes on the road mean you have the right of way as a pedestrian. In reality, they don’t.
* Crossing the street is dangerous. Whenever possible, try using footbridges or underpasses (the latter often have lots of nice kiosks and shops).
* A tip for crossing is to cross in the gaps, remembering that the driver will tend to switch lanes and go behind you to avoid you. So if you lose your nerve, just stand still. If you turn back, you are more likely to be hit!
* Cross a multi-lane road as a series of roads, one lane at a time. Don’t worry about standing on the dotted line between lanes; Turkish drivers are adept at not hitting pedestrians.
* It doesn’t hurt to whisper a prayer for safety!
Another type of crossroads: the roads of life involving relationships.
I regularly receive letters or am told about stories about foreign women who have become romantically involved with Turks.
Just the other day I was told about a middle-aged British woman who developed a relationship over the Internet. She has made several trips to Turkey in the past year to see a young man in his late 20s who has been writing to her via e-mail. I was told that when she visits they split the cost of everything 50-50. They usually spend a week together on holiday in Turkey. Somehow, this woman has found out that the young man has the same arrangement with a Yankee. Brits use this expression for all Americans, but Americans know who is a Yankee and who isn’t! It seems the British lady is hurt and disappointed and wonders what she should do.
I know what I’d do! I would love to hear what kind of advice our Turkish Today’s Zaman readers would give to, let’s call her, Miss Hurt and Disappointed.
One Today’s Zaman reader wrote the following in reply to a similar situation I wrote about a few weeks ago. I’ve been waiting for the right opportunity to share her insights. Julie writes:
Dear Charlotte, when you first meet someone, you pay attention to all the things you like. As time goes on, you start to take that for granted and instead you focus on what bothers you. If the relationship becomes more negative than positive, you break up. Often you were too blind to see the faults in the beginning, but they were there!
Dear Julie, so true! Probably Miss Hurt and Disappointed was so swept off her feet that she couldn’t imagine that her pen pal would be writing to more than one woman.
Kate Wachs, a psychologist from Chicago, advises in her book “Relationships for Dummies” that if your partner has faults that bother you, the best solution is to make a conscious effort to focus on the things you like about him or her. However, in a case like this she’d probably tell Miss Hurt and Disappointed to cut her losses quickly.
Whether it is at the crossroads of a Turkish street or in a relationship with a Turkish Casanova, you are at a crossroads. You need to decide what you will do. Any decision will have an impact on your life. Watch out! Look both ways! Look to your future!
“Common sense and good nature will do a lot to make the pilgrimage of life not too difficult.” -- William Somerset Maugham
Note: Keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today's Zaman's readers. Email: c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
