Marriage is about finding someone who "fits" you -- that special person who complements you. How much consideration should a person who is considering marriage give to another's culture and faith? After all, shouldn't couples consider the effects interfaith marriage will have on their children?Villages along the southern and eastern borders of Turkey may reflect some of the culture across the border more than modern Turkish culture, or shall we say the urban Turkish culture. If an urban Turk from İstanbul is not necessarily familiar or comfortable with village wedding customs, just imagine how different it would be for a Westerner.Take village weddings for example:
Women and children come to view the bride. Close friends have a henna night and they paint the bride's hands and feet with henna. Old women are plopped on floor pillows, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder in laces of honor near the bride. The bride is not supposed to do anything on her wedding day.
Brides commonly wear a lot of silver ankle bracelets and a pendant and heavy gold earrings -- a lot of jewelry from her own personal dowry -- bought with money given to the bride by her female relatives and female friends.
Older women sitting nearby discuss her virtues and faults and her prospects in her future home. Hired musicians and entertainers amuse the crowds and the wedding drums begin to beat…
Most Western guests find the style of music rather strange and the dancers rather provocative. As the music and rhythmic clapping escalate, so do the high-pitched ululating wails of the women. As the crowd applauds more, you begin to hear the spatter of coins on the ground. Then the wedding officiator comes. It is time for the weddings. The ceremony is performed -- unlike any in the urban centers or in the West. If all goes as planned, rifle shots are heard. It seems the girl is a virgin and a worthy bride. The groom's friends and relatives press forward to shake hands, embrace and congratulate. The women rush into the room to see the bride and congratulate her.
Depending on the region, there are a number of other customs that are considered part of the celebration. You may know that in some villages, songs are sung in the couple's honor by their friends and female relatives. Dancing and celebration can last for a day or more! Here are a few customs:
·Friends and relatives will wash the hair of the bride and groom
·A lump of sugar is dropped on the bride's head as she enters the groom's home
·A baby boy may be set on the bride's lap to encourage fertility
·A bride should appear very reserved and show sadness because she is leaving her family
·If you know of other village customs, drop me a note and share them with usIf you think of another example, send me a comment.
Many religious leaders urge students to marry within their faiths under the belief that it creates a healthier family environment. Others argue that interfaith marriage can be very successful.
As the world becomes more global and more intercultural, interfaith marriages occur but are not necessarily approved of.
You probably know some people who have married someone of a different faith. An increasing number of couples are marrying outside their faiths, leaving some to worry that these marriages won't last and that their children will be negatively affected.
Not everyone shares this opinion, though. Some feel that love is a bond between people that is to be expressed and should not be restricted. These individuals believe choosing your spouse should be open to new types of religious faiths and cultures.
In Kurdish villages, as the groom fetches the bride, close friends and neighbors offer a blessing to the boy's father, such as "May she be with foot and portion!" Sadly some people believe that some brides bring misfortune into the home. The blessing wishes the bride to bring goodness and blessing to her new home.
Note: Keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today's Zaman's readers. Email: c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
