Usually, a host will leave his work and ignore other responsibilities in order to be with his guests and entertain them. It is true that this is changing some with all the Western influence. Is it for the better or the worse I don't know. It still is quite common for other people in the community to accept apologies if some one must suddenly cancel their plan because guests have arrived. This means that the visitor or guest should visit when it will not completely disrupt someone's working day, etc. If you are new to Turkey here are a few tips about invitations and visits:
* A friend who happens to be in the neighborhood of another friend will typically be invited indoors for a least a glass of tea.
* A friend taking another friend home by car will always be invited in for some tea or Turkish coffee.
* If while you are out doing errands and see another friend whom you've not seen for a long time, one will informally invite the other to visit.
* When you are a guest, if it is dark outside and getting late, your host may insist you just stay the night!
* When you are thinking about leaving, begin to show your intention early. It's rare that your host would not urge you to stay a little longer, no matter how long the visit has been.
* Guests should learn the phrase "Zahmet etmeyin!" (Don't go to any trouble!) Your host will go to any length to please you.
All these invitations of sorts do not have to be accepted -- at least not immediately. Turkish culture is all about hospitality and the willingness to be hospitable -- a basis for friendship must be shown. The host wants to show his appreciation for the visitor.
In America, when you visit someone for coffee, often it is quite informal and you may even help yourself. America is a culture of "help yourself" and "do-it-yourself" mentalities.
No matter how close of a friend you are here, it is rare that you will help yourself.
Scenario: You meet Ayla by chance, near to where you used to live. You haven't seen each other for a few months. You told her your new address and said drop in sometime. A few days later, she calls you and says she'd like to come see you in the afternoon. You are delighted and accept. When you hang up the phone, you panic. You need to tidy your house if a visitor is coming.
Turks always keep one special room clean and tidy to receive visitors. What can you do? You don't have time for a thorough clean!
It's not as extreme as sweep it all under the carpet! Here are a few tricks to help you clean it quick:
Check your windows. Do they need to be cleaned? Be sure to clean the ones where you will have your guest. I have one friend who will just wash the bottom part of a window -- forget the top because it is covered by a blind. This doesn't work for me.
Do a quick feather dust around ornaments, books, and artwork. Another friend of mine told me she does speed-dusting. "What's that?" I asked. I learned she uses a hairdryer to blow the dust off. I've not tried that either but it works for her.
If you plan to try to impress and use your silver, my mother taught me this trick: When you have polished your silver place it in a self-sealing plastic freezer bag and press out the air and close. It really does help the cutlery not tarnish.
I was raised to always keep the kitchen counter clean and dishes washed up. After moving to Turkey, I continued this practice because I had a small kitchen and you never know when there may be a water cut. So, for example, if you are going to cook some brownies before you start cooking, fill the sink with hot, soapy water. Just stick each dirty item in the sink and cleanup will be a lot quicker.
Floors need to be clean. With little time until your friend arrives -- think and be selective in your vacuuming and mopping. Clean in front of chairs, around the couch and coffee tables and in the main bathroom. (By the way, unlike in America or the UK, if your Turkish guest is only coming for an afternoon tea, Turks rarely ask to use the bathroom. They certainly do not ask as soon as they arrive. (Best to have it ready, just in case.)
For those of us who have pets: Be sure to rub along upholstery to collect the pet hair. A cloth brush or some tape or an old pair of pantyhose bunched into a ball works great.
By now you know what people really notice!
"A guest has not to thank the host, but the host the guest." Russian proverb
