Voting. Military service. Marriage. Giving birth. Do these rites of passage mean we have matured, i.e., do they define us as grown-up? How does the culture around us influence this development? Some very thought-provoking comments on my recent article, King for a day have been posted to me. Let’s explore more the area of what it means to be grown up. I would like to invite you to join in the discussion by completing this sentence and dropping me an email:
“You’re a grown-up when...” And tell me your nationality and at what age you started to feel like an adult (that is, if you have…).
We all know the imaginary universal game, play grown-up. Everywhere in the world boys run around with toy guns and play army, or cowboys and Indians, and girls dress up in their mom’s shoes and clothes and put on some makeup. Is this what it means?
A grandma told me that her 4-year-old son says you are a grown-up when “you can pour juice, break the banana thing off and pull your own sleeves down.” What insight. Anyone in the world could achieve these goals and be grown-up.
A student at university explains that “you’re a grown-up when you pay all of your bills, all the time.”
I stopped and thought about this for a moment. It seems in some ways our definition of “to be grown-up” is influenced by the culture in which we live.
For example, in Turkey the majority of university students do not have the financial pressures that most American students have, because the Turkish family members sacrifice everything and chip in to help with all the expenses while the relative is studying at university.
I asked an American youth who has to work during the summer to save money for university and she replied: I started working in high school. I first felt like an adult when I got a summer job in high school. It was junior office work, filing and copying. But I got paid and I thought it was glamorous and exciting.
Often I have heard people say isn’t it wonderful how the Middle Eastern family show so much support to the relative who studies at university -- doing the laundry, preparing meals, providing an allowance, paying the bills, etc.
On the other hand, others would say that doing this for yourself is an important part of the process of “growing-up” when you go to university or when you leave home. It is the hands-on experience.
I asked this question to a young man, Jack, 21, and he replied: “I really felt like an adult when I graduated from college and got a job. Besides getting paid I had the much more difficult task of getting to know a bunch of strangers, who were my bosses, coworkers and subordinates, and learn what made each of them tick ... with no one around to give me the right answer.”
Bob said to me: “I don’t know that I have ever felt completely grown-up. If age qualifies you, then I have -- I am 58 years old.”
What does it really mean to be grown-up? Does our culture affect the process?
I think this quote sums it up for all of us:
“One of the most obvious facts about grown-ups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child.” Randall Jarrell (1914 - 1965).
Let’s be careful not to work so hard at life so that we never allow this to happen.
Note: Keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today’s Zaman’s readers. Email: c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
